FROM FR. JUDE BOTELHO:
The first reading speaks to us of love – God’s love for his creation, his people, his very own. He does not create and leave them to manage on their own. God is constantly involved in our life! “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helpmate.” We have been made to be people who need people. It is part of our nature to be in relationship with one another, to be people who live in love, people who live in community, in a family, in togetherness. We are made for one another, made from one another. The description of woman being created from man’s rib is symbolic. She is not created from his foot to be controlled, she is not created from his head to dominate him but from close to his heart, always needed, always to be cared for.
Favourite piece?
They returned home happy but tired after celebrating their fortieth wedding anniversary with their children and friends. Before falling into bed he offered to make a late-night snack for both of them. While she slumped into a stool along the kitchen counter, he collected the ham, cheese and mustard from the refrigerator. Reaching into the breadbox, he took out what turned out to be the last four slices of bread. He carefully made two sandwiches and cut each in four quarters, the way she liked them. He placed one of the sandwiches in a plate and placed it in front of her. “How come you always give me the sandwich with the heel of the bread,” she said. “For forty years we’ve been married and you always give me the heel of the bread. I know I’ve never said this before, but honey, I really hate the heel of the bread.” Embarrassed he shrugged his shoulders and said, “I always give you the heel of bread because it’s my favourite piece.” The story speaks of a tender love. It might also show some lack of communication if, after forty years, they didn’t know what each liked or disliked.
‘Cast your bread’ in Connections
In the Gospel we see the Pharisees trying to trap Jesus: It is really against the law for a man to divorce his wife? After all Moses allowed us to draw up a writ of dismissal and so to divorce.” Even today, many question the laws/teachings of the Church. So many people are breaking the law, so why can’t the Church change according to the times? We must always distinguish between those who are law-breakers, victims of the law, and victims of circumstances. We have no right to sit in judgment, to point a finger at others. We are called to be compassionate and understanding of the weaknesses of others. We have always to distinguish between the person and the law. At the same time we see Jesus not mincing his words. He lays down the law as it is. The Law will not change to suit our whims and fancies or for our convenience. Marriage is for life, commitment is for life. We want our relationships to last forever and they will, if we work at them and let God be an integral part of our lives. Perhaps the last part of the Gospel gives us one way in which we can make our relationships work: Jesus let the little children come to him and blessed them. The child symbolizes dependence on another. For our relationships to work we depend on God. Lastly, even as we grow and mature we must never lose the sense of wonder that we had as children. One of the things that strikes us about children is how they can get engrossed in the simplest of things, they forget everything else and enjoy that moment, that thing, that person. That ability to wonder can keep us going and we will find there is always something to be grateful for in our relationships and in life itself.
From now on, I’m the One!
A feature in weddings in more recent times is the lighting of candles. The couple light two before the ceremony, signifying their individual lives, then when they become husband and wife they blow them out and light a single candle to symbolize the two becoming one and the unity of the partnership henceforth. On one occasion when not only the candles but also the readings proclaimed their unity, the couple were walking down the aisle after signing the register, and as they beamed at the admiring guests the bride gave her newly acquired husband a nudge and whispered, “Did you take that all in?” “All what?” he said. “All that about the two being one.” “Yes I guess so,” he said, and then came the coup de grace. “Well in case you’re in any doubt, from now on I’m the one!”
James A. Feeban in ‘Story Power’
Old Love
The question is asked, “Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and a girl clasping clean hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be any thing more beautiful than young love?” And the answer is given. “Yes there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.”
Anonymous
The Marriage Commitment
Harold Kushner, an American rabbi tells how a young couple came to see him one evening. Their wedding was coming up and he was to officiate at it. At one point the young man said to him, ‘Rabbi, would you object if we made one small change in the wedding ceremony? Instead of pronouncing us husband and wife ‘till death do us part,’ could you pronounce us husband and wife’ for as long as love lasts? We’ve talked about this and we both feel that, should the day come when we no longer love each other, it wouldn’t be morally right for us to be stuck with each other.’ But the rabbi replied, ‘I do object, and I won’t make the change. You and I know that there is such a thing as divorce, and we know that a lot of marriages these days don’t last until one of the partners dies. But let me tell you something. If you go into marriage with an attitude of “If it doesn’t work out, we can always split’, then I can almost guarantee you that things won’t work out for you. ‘I appreciate your honesty. But you must understand that a marriage commitment is not just a mutual willingness to live together, but a commitment to accept the frustrations and disappointments that are an inevitable part of two imperfect human beings relating to each other. It’s hard enough to make a go of marriage even when you give it everything you’ve got. But if only a part of you is involved in the relationship, then you have virtually no chance’.
Flor McCarthy in ‘New Sundays and Holy Day Liturgies’
The enjoyment of simple things
In one of his books, Born Again, Charles Colson takes us back to a happy summer vacation he spent with his two sons. He bought them a 14-foot sailboat and took it out to the lake. When they arrived at the lake, a gentle summer rain was falling, but it didn’t dampen their spirits. As they shoved off the pier, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of rippling water. Colson’s ten-year old son was in control of the boat. When the boy realized he was skipper, the most marvelous look came upon his face. His eyes flashed with the excitement and wonder of knowing that in his two hands he was holding the power of the wind. As Colson looked into his son’s face and eyes, he himself became transfixed and strangely he found himself talking to God. He still remembers his words: Thank you God for giving me this son, for giving us this wonderful moment. Just looking into this boy’s eyes fulfils my life. Whatever happens in the future, even if I die tomorrow, my life is complete and full. Thank You!” Indeed, on that rainy summer afternoon, Colson discovered for himself, something that spiritual writers have maintained: wonder lies at the heart of prayer and worship.
Mark Link
Why no change?
Mike was a Christian and his pal Joe was an atheist. Joe lost no opportunity to have a ‘go’ at Mike about what he saw as the irrelevance of Christianity. One day they were out for a walk when they came across a gang of ‘toughies’ who were fighting and swearing. Joe pointed out the scene and said, “Look Mike, it’s been 2000 years since Christ came into the world and it’s still filled with aggression and violence.” Mike said nothing. Five minutes later, they came upon a group of dirty faced children. Now it was Mike’s turn. “Look Joe, it’s over 2000 years since soap was first discovered and yet the world’s still filled with dirty faces.” – Nothing happens till you use soap! –There is nothing automatic about Jesus or his message. It is like discovering a cure for cancer. Nothing happens until the patient takes the medicine. Jesus never fails! It’s a pity we have never tried his message!
Jack McArdle in ‘150 More stories for Preachers and Teachers’
******
Illustrations:
Fr. Tony Kadavil:
If it seems strange to you that people might usher the children away from Jesus, think about the last time you flew on an airplane. When the family with four small children came walking up the aisle, did you think, maybe not so secretly, "Please don't sit next to me, please don't sit next to me?"
3) Where Is the Hope?
From Sermons.com
4) Don't Hope...Decide
5) Teaching Takes Time
Some argue that our children do not need the quantity of our time if the time we give them is filled with quality. It's true. There's no need to give our children even fifteen minutes of our time, if all they experience through us is negativism or unrest or a spirit of impatience. But most good teaching takes sheer time. Our loving and caring spirit, our understanding and calmness, and our devotion to Jesus Christ in word and action, need to seep in to a child's mind and soul. Such sharing rarely comes through a quick torrent of kisses or a fleeting, kindly word. It takes time and patience. Indeed the very spending of time with our children is part of our communicating to them that they are valued and loved.
Richard W. Patt, Partners in the Impossible, CSS Publishing Co., Inc.
6) The True Meaning of Marriage
Jesus' teaching about divorce provokes a variety of responses. Some people hear the text snarl at them like a wild animal. Others grow angry when they simply hear the words, and vow to cross their fingers the next time they encounter that piece of scripture. Still others wish their preacher would stand up and swing this text like a club; family life is spinning out of control, they claim, and the church should push us back to simpler, more Victorian times.
Dr. Paul Popenoe, the famous marriage counselor, was talking to a young husband who had been openly critical of his wife. Dr. Popenoe was explaining how two become one in marriage. In a smart reply the husband said, "Yes, but which one?" The counselor said, "A little of each." Then he went on to explain that in marriage you have to develop "we-psychology"...and to think of yourself in terms of a pair rather than as an individual. What happens when two become one in a real marriage? Some think that it reduces your individuality. Too often one party or the other seems to be saying: "Alright - we two shall become one...and I AM the one!" Obviously, such a marriage is headed for trouble. Ideally, when "two become one" it means that each one is doubled, but not duplicated. You still retain your individual identity, but you add to yourself the identity of the other, and the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." (Mark 10:7)
10) We Trust Them with the Children, Don't We?
A new principal was checking over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers going in and out, carrying off books and supplies. The school he came from had a check-out system that required the teachers to indicate what supplies they had obtained. Curious about the practice here he asked the school custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stockroom unlocked and to let the teachers take things without asking?" The custodian responded, "We trust them with the children, don't we?"
Jesus wants us to trust in him and let the child within to be free. It is the only way to receive the kingdom of God. He wants us to give the child within the freedom to express itself, being creative, having fun and sharing emotions and feelings. He wants us to accept others who are different realizing that God makes us all and wants us to be genuine, authentic human beings. The end result is absolute joy and the opportunity to experience life in its fullest.
"But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?"
"It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain."
"No, I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and I've finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow."
"Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Yom Kippur. I'll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in MA and break the news to her. I just can't bear to talk about it anymore."
The first reading speaks to us of love – God’s love for his creation, his people, his very own. He does not create and leave them to manage on their own. God is constantly involved in our life! “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helpmate.” We have been made to be people who need people. It is part of our nature to be in relationship with one another, to be people who live in love, people who live in community, in a family, in togetherness. We are made for one another, made from one another. The description of woman being created from man’s rib is symbolic. She is not created from his foot to be controlled, she is not created from his head to dominate him but from close to his heart, always needed, always to be cared for.
Favourite piece?
They returned home happy but tired after celebrating their fortieth wedding anniversary with their children and friends. Before falling into bed he offered to make a late-night snack for both of them. While she slumped into a stool along the kitchen counter, he collected the ham, cheese and mustard from the refrigerator. Reaching into the breadbox, he took out what turned out to be the last four slices of bread. He carefully made two sandwiches and cut each in four quarters, the way she liked them. He placed one of the sandwiches in a plate and placed it in front of her. “How come you always give me the sandwich with the heel of the bread,” she said. “For forty years we’ve been married and you always give me the heel of the bread. I know I’ve never said this before, but honey, I really hate the heel of the bread.” Embarrassed he shrugged his shoulders and said, “I always give you the heel of bread because it’s my favourite piece.” The story speaks of a tender love. It might also show some lack of communication if, after forty years, they didn’t know what each liked or disliked.
‘Cast your bread’ in Connections
In the Gospel we see the Pharisees trying to trap Jesus: It is really against the law for a man to divorce his wife? After all Moses allowed us to draw up a writ of dismissal and so to divorce.” Even today, many question the laws/teachings of the Church. So many people are breaking the law, so why can’t the Church change according to the times? We must always distinguish between those who are law-breakers, victims of the law, and victims of circumstances. We have no right to sit in judgment, to point a finger at others. We are called to be compassionate and understanding of the weaknesses of others. We have always to distinguish between the person and the law. At the same time we see Jesus not mincing his words. He lays down the law as it is. The Law will not change to suit our whims and fancies or for our convenience. Marriage is for life, commitment is for life. We want our relationships to last forever and they will, if we work at them and let God be an integral part of our lives. Perhaps the last part of the Gospel gives us one way in which we can make our relationships work: Jesus let the little children come to him and blessed them. The child symbolizes dependence on another. For our relationships to work we depend on God. Lastly, even as we grow and mature we must never lose the sense of wonder that we had as children. One of the things that strikes us about children is how they can get engrossed in the simplest of things, they forget everything else and enjoy that moment, that thing, that person. That ability to wonder can keep us going and we will find there is always something to be grateful for in our relationships and in life itself.
From now on, I’m the One!
A feature in weddings in more recent times is the lighting of candles. The couple light two before the ceremony, signifying their individual lives, then when they become husband and wife they blow them out and light a single candle to symbolize the two becoming one and the unity of the partnership henceforth. On one occasion when not only the candles but also the readings proclaimed their unity, the couple were walking down the aisle after signing the register, and as they beamed at the admiring guests the bride gave her newly acquired husband a nudge and whispered, “Did you take that all in?” “All what?” he said. “All that about the two being one.” “Yes I guess so,” he said, and then came the coup de grace. “Well in case you’re in any doubt, from now on I’m the one!”
James A. Feeban in ‘Story Power’
Old Love
The question is asked, “Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and a girl clasping clean hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be any thing more beautiful than young love?” And the answer is given. “Yes there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.”
Anonymous
The Marriage Commitment
Harold Kushner, an American rabbi tells how a young couple came to see him one evening. Their wedding was coming up and he was to officiate at it. At one point the young man said to him, ‘Rabbi, would you object if we made one small change in the wedding ceremony? Instead of pronouncing us husband and wife ‘till death do us part,’ could you pronounce us husband and wife’ for as long as love lasts? We’ve talked about this and we both feel that, should the day come when we no longer love each other, it wouldn’t be morally right for us to be stuck with each other.’ But the rabbi replied, ‘I do object, and I won’t make the change. You and I know that there is such a thing as divorce, and we know that a lot of marriages these days don’t last until one of the partners dies. But let me tell you something. If you go into marriage with an attitude of “If it doesn’t work out, we can always split’, then I can almost guarantee you that things won’t work out for you. ‘I appreciate your honesty. But you must understand that a marriage commitment is not just a mutual willingness to live together, but a commitment to accept the frustrations and disappointments that are an inevitable part of two imperfect human beings relating to each other. It’s hard enough to make a go of marriage even when you give it everything you’ve got. But if only a part of you is involved in the relationship, then you have virtually no chance’.
Flor McCarthy in ‘New Sundays and Holy Day Liturgies’
The enjoyment of simple things
In one of his books, Born Again, Charles Colson takes us back to a happy summer vacation he spent with his two sons. He bought them a 14-foot sailboat and took it out to the lake. When they arrived at the lake, a gentle summer rain was falling, but it didn’t dampen their spirits. As they shoved off the pier, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of rippling water. Colson’s ten-year old son was in control of the boat. When the boy realized he was skipper, the most marvelous look came upon his face. His eyes flashed with the excitement and wonder of knowing that in his two hands he was holding the power of the wind. As Colson looked into his son’s face and eyes, he himself became transfixed and strangely he found himself talking to God. He still remembers his words: Thank you God for giving me this son, for giving us this wonderful moment. Just looking into this boy’s eyes fulfils my life. Whatever happens in the future, even if I die tomorrow, my life is complete and full. Thank You!” Indeed, on that rainy summer afternoon, Colson discovered for himself, something that spiritual writers have maintained: wonder lies at the heart of prayer and worship.
Mark Link
Why no change?
Mike was a Christian and his pal Joe was an atheist. Joe lost no opportunity to have a ‘go’ at Mike about what he saw as the irrelevance of Christianity. One day they were out for a walk when they came across a gang of ‘toughies’ who were fighting and swearing. Joe pointed out the scene and said, “Look Mike, it’s been 2000 years since Christ came into the world and it’s still filled with aggression and violence.” Mike said nothing. Five minutes later, they came upon a group of dirty faced children. Now it was Mike’s turn. “Look Joe, it’s over 2000 years since soap was first discovered and yet the world’s still filled with dirty faces.” – Nothing happens till you use soap! –There is nothing automatic about Jesus or his message. It is like discovering a cure for cancer. Nothing happens until the patient takes the medicine. Jesus never fails! It’s a pity we have never tried his message!
Jack McArdle in ‘150 More stories for Preachers and Teachers’
******
Illustrations:
Fr. Tony Kadavil:
1) Crime scene investigators (which we now know as "CSI") acknowledge that if all the witnesses to an event report exactly the same information there is only one conclusion to draw: They are lying. Human individuality, the uniqueness of individual perceptions and eye-witness, the unrepeatability of each person's own experience, makes it impossible for any group of individuals to see and report an event with the exact same language and coherence. If each rendition becomes a simply repetition - something is amiss.
The creation narratives found in Genesis 1 and Genesis 2 should never be thought of as a scenario of "Genesis 1 vs. Genesis 2." Genesis 1 and Genesis 2 do not offer some kind of contest to see whose world view wins. Instead, the biblical text is concerned to convey as much truth, to throw as much light as possible, into the relationship between God's creativity and our creaturely experience of creation. To discern the divine in our midst takes more than one voice.
What makes Scripture such a vital, life-giving force in our lives is that it is not a "mantra" of repetitious, unchanging, unvarying same-old-same-old series of words. Scripture lives because it tells a story, the greatest story ever told...
________________________
2) A Modern Perspective on Jesus and the Children
Now imagine Jesus sitting a few rows up, waving down the flight attendant and volunteering to have all the children present sit around him for the duration of the flight..."Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
_____________________________3) Where Is the Hope?
I recently saw a newspaper cartoon of a mother reading a bedtime story to her little, curly-haired daughter. The book was called Grim Reality Fairy Tales, and the text read, "and the prince kissed her and they fell in love, dated a while and moved in together, broke up, got back together, got married, got a baby, got separated, got back together again, broke up, got divorced, spent time alone rediscovering themselves, met someone new, fell in love and repeated the pattern habitually ever after."
This worldview is sad, hopeless, and far from what God intended. More than ever, our children wonder what marriage is and what they might hope for in a relationship.
Steve Zeisler, What Did Moses Command?
This worldview is sad, hopeless, and far from what God intended. More than ever, our children wonder what marriage is and what they might hope for in a relationship.
Steve Zeisler, What Did Moses Command?
________________________________________
4) Don't Hope...Decide
Michael Hargrove tells about a scene at an airport that literally changed his life. He was picking up a friend. He noticed a man coming toward him carrying two light bags. The man stopped right next to Hargrove to greet his family. The man motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They hugged and Hargrove heard the father say, "It's so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!" "Me, too, Dad!" said the son. The oldest son (maybe nine or ten) was next. "You're already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!" Then he turned to their little girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half). He kissed her and held her close. He handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, "I've saved the best for last!" and preceded to give his wife a long, passionate kiss. "I love you so much!" He said to his wife softly.
Hargrove interrupted this idyllic scene to ask, "Wow! How long have you two been married?"
"Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those," the man replied, as he gazed into his wife's face.
"Well then, how long have you been away?"
The man turned around and said, "Two whole days!" Hargrove was stunned. "I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!"
The man stopped smiling and said, "Don't hope, friend . . . decide!"
And that's it, isn't it? For most of us it comes down to a decision. "Till death us do part." It doesn't happen in every relationship, but that is still the ideal that Jesus gives us.
Michael Hargrove, quoted by King Duncan, Collected Sermons, www.Sermons.com
____________________
One of the biggest problems in a culture like ours is proper time management. This is not because we have any less time than others; it's because the alternatives are so many. Because we have money; because we have ease of transportation; because the urban centers we live in have much to offer us in ways to make use of our time - any of us can find ourselves in a situation where we can't possibly do everything that might be done. The opportunities become a blur; we find ourselves in a maze. Sorting out the minutes and hours becomes an awesome task. And in the process, people - those people around us who are dearest - escape our notice. Their needs go unmet, unserved. Many times those people are the little people - our children.
Some argue that our children do not need the quantity of our time if the time we give them is filled with quality. It's true. There's no need to give our children even fifteen minutes of our time, if all they experience through us is negativism or unrest or a spirit of impatience. But most good teaching takes sheer time. Our loving and caring spirit, our understanding and calmness, and our devotion to Jesus Christ in word and action, need to seep in to a child's mind and soul. Such sharing rarely comes through a quick torrent of kisses or a fleeting, kindly word. It takes time and patience. Indeed the very spending of time with our children is part of our communicating to them that they are valued and loved.
Richard W. Patt, Partners in the Impossible, CSS Publishing Co., Inc.
6) The True Meaning of Marriage
In a Time Magazine article, Caitlin Flanagan observes that, while the divorce culture has become a fact of life over the past twenty-five years, the middle class has turned weddings into "overwrought exercises in consumer spending, as if by just plunking down enough cash for the flower girls' dresses and tissue-lined envelopes for the RSVP cards, we can somehow improve our chance of going the distance."
In our culture, marriage means less, but we spend more on our weddings. Go figure.
Flanagan concludes with these ominous words about the future of our country: "What we teach about the true meaning of marriage will determine a great deal about our fate."
Scott Grant, The Way of the Lord in Marriage
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7) Real Life Children
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7) Real Life Children
The experience of having children has made me far more sympathetic to the early Puritans who didn't use words like "innate goodness" to describe human nature. They used words like "total depravity." Total depravity! Jesus said we are supposed to be like children to receive the kingdom of God? I can only join with millions of other parents and conclude that our Lord didn't know my kids when He made that statement.
When you walk into the bathroom and see an entire roll of brand new tissue paper lying in the toilet, it makes you wonder. When you see a whole pile of freshly washed and folded clothes lying all over the place like a tornado had hit, it makes you wonder. When you see your child sitting on the kitchen floor, trying to share her plate of food with the dog, it makes you wonder. And that's just the one-year-old at work! Imagine the three- and the six-year-old when they put their talents together! Sometimes it makes you more than wonder; sometimes it makes you cry.
Look at a group of kindergarteners some day and ask yourself: what can these kids teach us about receiving the kingdom of God?
Erskine White, Together In Christ, CSS Publishing Company
______________________
8) Responses to Divorce
It is no wonder many ministers avoid this text. One year the lectionary appointed it for World Communion Sunday, of all days. A clergy friend said, "I have a congregation full of divorced people. How dare I invite them to the Lord's table with a passage that sounds so fierce?" Another minister, a divorced woman, avoided the issue altogether. She ignored the first ten verses and moved directly ahead to discuss the blessing Jesus offered to little children.
So we have a problem today. Is there any way for all of us to hear something helpful in this text?
William G. Carter, No Box Seats in The Kingdom, CSS Publishing Company
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9) Strange Arithmetic
A wise person once said: "A marriage consists of one master, one mistress, and two slaves; making, in total, one." That may be strange arithmetic, but it is good theology.
Donald B. Strobe, Collected Words, www.Sermons.com
_____________________
Jesus wants us to trust in him and let the child within to be free. It is the only way to receive the kingdom of God. He wants us to give the child within the freedom to express itself, being creative, having fun and sharing emotions and feelings. He wants us to accept others who are different realizing that God makes us all and wants us to be genuine, authentic human beings. The end result is absolute joy and the opportunity to experience life in its fullest.
Keith Wagner, The Child Within
______________________
11) Two Schools of Thought on Divorce
There were two schools of thought in Jesus' day concerning divorce, one liberal and one conservative. Rabbi Shammai taught that divorce was only permissible on the grounds of some sexual impropriety. His was the stricter view. Rabbi Hillel, on the other hand, had a more liberal view and taught that a man could divorce his wife for any reason. If she burned his breakfast, put too much salt on his food, showed disrespect to him, spoke disrespectfully of her husband's parents in his presence, spoke to a man on the street, or even let her hair down in public, he could divorce her. The view of Rabbi Hillel was the view that was popular in Jesus' day. So divorce was common in Palestine, and in this respect the setting was not unlike our own.
Perhaps the most significant difference between their customs and ours lay in the status of the different genders. A man could divorce a woman on a whim, but a woman could not divorce a man for any cause. The Old Testament contains a highly patriarchal position that viewed a woman's sexual immorality more as property damage against her husband (or her father) rather than as a moral issue. A double standard shines throughout the Old Testament, where it was not uncommon for the male rulers to have many wives and hundreds of concubines. If you look carefully at the question of the Pharisees, you will find no concern whatsoever about a woman's rights in marriage or divorce. "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"
Mickey Anders, Making Marriage Work
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12) Humor: We're Getting a Divorce
Morris calls his son in NY and says, "Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama." The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened.
"I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up."
"But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?"
"It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain."
"But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?"
"No, I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and I've finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow."
"Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Yom Kippur. I'll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in MA and break the news to her. I just can't bear to talk about it anymore."
A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow. "Benny told me that you don't want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won't do anything until we both get there." Morris promises...
Isn't that the best way to get your kids together for Yom Kippur!
From Fr. Tony Kadavil:
13) "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't."
3) Divorce and cohabitation: The U.S. Census Bureau report for the decade of the 90’s was released May 15 2001. Here are its disturbing findings concerning the family. The average life span of a marriage has dropped alarmingly. Any marriage without an expiration date of 10 years is, well, a miracle. Households headed by unmarried partners grew by almost 72 percent from 1990 to 2000. Most of these arrangements were men and women living together out of wedlock. Other studies have shown that cohabitation increased by close to 1,000 percent from 1960 to 1998. Households headed by single mothers increased by more than 25 percent, and those led by single fathers grew, get this, by almost 62 percent. And this next finding is astounding: For the first time ever, nuclear families dropped below 25 percent of households. That means the nuclear family, a mom and a dad and children, represents less than a quarter of all homes. Another finding partially explains why this is happening: A third of all babies are born to unmarried women (33 percent) compared to only 4 percent in 1940. You will remember some years back the actress Jodie Foster was in the news because she chose to bear and raise a child alone. There are a growing number of women in their late 20’s and 30’s who are doing the same
4) In search of a perfect woman to marry: One afternoon, according to an old Sufi tale, a man named Nasiruddin was sitting in a cafe, drinking tea with a friend and talking about life and love. “How come you never got married, Nasruddin?” asked his friend at one point. “Well,” said Nasruddin, “to tell you the truth, I spent my youth looking for the perfect woman. In Cairo, I met a beautiful and intelligent woman, with eyes like dark olives, but she was unkind. Then in Baghdad, I met a woman who was a wonderful and generous soul, but we had no interests in common. One woman after another would seem just right, but there would always be something missing. Then one day, I met her. She was beautiful, intelligent, generous and kind. We had everything in common. In fact, she was perfect.” “Well,” said Nasruddin’s friend, “what happened? Why didn’t you marry her?” Nasruddin sipped his tea reflectively. “Well,” he replied. ”It’s a sad thing; seems she was looking for the perfect man.” In today’s Gospel Jesus reminds us that an imperfect man has no right to divorce his equally imperfect wife whom God has given him as His perfect gift.
5) “Chemistry and Math of marriage”: Neil Warren, who has studied what he calls the “love secrets” of 100 couples with model marriages, says that his most significant finding is also the most surprising. Here’s the most shocking thing you may read in this entire book. Chemistry between two people is responsive to mental and emotional processes over which we have tremendous control. That’s right, you can make chemistry happen. If you don’t feel the flutter in your heart for your spouse that you once did, if the magic is gone from your relationship, don’t panic. You can change that! [Neil Clark Warren, The Triumphant Marriage (Dallas: Word Books, 1995), 72.] The phrase “The chemistry just isn’t there anymore,” should be banished from our vocabulary. Each of us can maximize chemistry to make new chemical reactions happen. The chemistry wrong? Mix up some new chemicals. Stir up some different romance ingredients. Here are some simple rituals of renewal which can keep your marriage romantically potent: Plant a tree together. Give a gift in honor of your marriage. Renew marriage vows. Buy the biggest wedding cake and invite friends over. Exchange gifts of jewelry. But as important as it is to become a good chemist, it is equally important to become a bad mathematician. In marriage, each partner must be willing to put in more than he or she takes out. Each person has to do a little more than what he thinks his share is'” [Prescription for a Quality Relationship (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1988).] A lasting marriage is one in which each partner “looks out for number two,” not where each one is “looking out for number one.”
6) Flex the muscles of trust and bend the knees of prayer. Trust may not seem glamorous or sexy, but many married people have found out too late that without trust, there is nothing. Mistrust is a cancer that rots away relationships. Faithfulness in a relationship is measured in more ways than monogamy; trust is the key component of faithfulness, while mistrust always plays a part in unfaithfulness. Bend the knees of prayer. The connection between complete, genuine trust in one another and faithfulness is perhaps what underlies one final finding about lasting marriages that shouldn’t be a surprise, but is. Andrew Greeley says, “It’s one of those statistics that catches your eye and makes you say, ‘No, that can’t be!’ But according to a groundbreaking Gallup survey, happiness in a marriage is better predicted by how often a couple prays together than by how often they make love.” [For more on this see Faithful Attraction (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1991), 190.] There’s more. Couples who pray together (compared to couples who don’t), report having greater respect for their mate (83 percent vs. 62 percent), agree on how to raise children (73 percent vs. 59 percent), are more playful (56 percent vs. 45 percent), and believe their mate is a skilled lover (62 percent vs. 49 percent). Individual prayer correlates with marital happiness, too, but joint prayer correlates at a level twice as high. According to a 1990 university study, virtually ignored by social scientists, decades of research have demonstrated that people highly involved in their Faith have the happiest marriages. [See D. Thomas and M. Cornwall, “Religion and Family in the 1980s: Discovery and Development,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, (1990), 983-992.]
7) “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” A newly-ordained priest was about to perform his first wedding, and he was very nervous. So he asked his pastor for help. The old monsignor told him everything he needed to know and then ended with some advice. “Father,” he said, “if you get lost and can’t think of what to say, quote Scripture. It’s always safe, and you’ll never go wrong.”
With that the young priest went off to the Church and did a fine job of conducting the wedding … until the very end, that is, when he was to pray the solemn blessing over the bride and groom. At that crucial moment, with hand outstretched and every eye upon him, he froze. He couldn’t find his place in the prayer book. His mind was a blank. He had no idea of what to say. Then he remembered the monsignor’s advice: if you get lost, quote scripture. So he ended the wedding by quoting most solemnly the only verse he could remember, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Fr. Dennis Clarke)
8) “I want to be married, but I didn’t know how to draw it.” A fifth grade teacher asked the children in her art class to draw pictures of what they want to be when they grow up. Sally drew an astronaut, Sue a doctor, Bruce a missionary. But Karen turned in a blank sheet of paper. “Isn’t there something you want to be?” the teacher inquired. The child replied, “I want to be married, but I didn’t know how to draw it.” Sad, but isn’t that true of our society today? Over 95 percent of us will marry at some point in our life. Yet nearly forty percent of us will divorce. In 1890 there were nearly 10,000 divorces nationwide. Last year there were over 1,200,000! In Charlotte, North Carolina, last year there were more divorces than there were marriages. Ditto for Fayetteville, North Carolina, and Washington, D.C. It is as if we’ve lost the blueprint for building a lasting and satisfying home. Where can we go to find the blueprint? Can your U.S. Senator supply it? Is it in the pages of Better Homes and Gardens magazine? Is it animated on the silver screen from Hollywood? Do you inquire of Ann Landers? That is why we have the Gospel on marriage and divorce today. Jesus’ words repeat the oldest Biblical teaching on matrimony: `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ (Genesis 2:24).
9) “We’ve had a fight. Papa, I want to come home.” A young couple had a quarrel and the bride of three months called her parents long distance saying, “Mama, I hate him. We’ve had a fight. Papa, I want to come home.” The father very discreetly said, “I’m sorry, daughter, you have no home here. For better or worse you’ve left for a new home. Work it out the best you can!” and he hung up the phone. Now I know that was a difficult thing for a parent to do, but it was the right thing. The best advice to a parent is to hold your children very close, love them, and train them up in God’s Word. Then let them go! Let them leave! Don’t interfere. Don’t give them advice unless you are asked. And don’t live near them if you can help it. Across town is best!
[Original form of Joke of the week #8] “I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” There is a story about a Jewish couple from New York that moved to Florida. Because of that move their children never visited them. Morris calls his son in NY and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?” “It’s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you’re my son, and I thought you should know. I really don’t want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.” “But where’s Mama? Can I talk to her?” “No, I don’t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven’t told her yet. Believe me it hasn’t been easy. I’ve agonized over it for several days, and I’ve finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.” “Dad, don’t do anything rash. I’m going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won’t do anything until I get there.” “Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Rosh Hashanah. I’ll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in MA and break the news to her. I just can’t bear to talk about it anymore.” A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida in two days. “Benny told me that you don’t want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won’t do anything until we both get there.” Morris promises. After hanging up from his daughter, Morris turns to his wife and says, “Well, it worked this time, but we are going to have to come up with a new idea to get them here for Passover!”
11) “I love you so much!” Michael Hargrove tells about a scene at an airport that literally changed his life. He was picking up a friend. He noticed a man coming toward him carrying two light bags. The man stopped right next to Hargrove to greet his family. The man motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They hugged and Hargrove heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” “Me, too, Dad!” said the son. The oldest son (maybe nine or ten) was next. “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” Then he turned to their little girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half). He kissed her and held her close. He handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife a long, passionate kiss. “I love you so much!” He said to his wife softly. Hargrove interrupted this idyllic scene to ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?” “Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those,” the man replied, as he gazed into his wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” The man turned around and said, “Two whole days!” Hargrove was stunned. “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!” The man stopped smiling and said, “Don’t hope, friend . . . decide!” (Michael D. Hargrove, Chapnotes, ChapnotesMail@aol.com?Subject=Subscribe.) And that’s it, isn’t it? For most of us it comes down to a decision. “Till death do us part.” It doesn’t happen in every relationship, but that is still the ideal that Jesus gives us. “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Amen.
12) “The wedding was nice. How about inviting me to the marriage? God.” A satisfying marriage requires the presence of God. In the fall of 1998, an anonymous donor in Florida had an idea. He decided to hire an ad agency, the Smith Agency, to design a campaign to get the people of his community talking about God. The Smith Agency designed eighteen billboards with what were supposedly sayings from God. Signs like, “Come on over and bring the kids . . . – God,” and “Let’s meet at my house Sunday before the game . . . – God,” and “We need to talk . . . – God,” and “What part of ‘Thou Shalt Not’ didn’t you understand? – God” and “Keep using my name in vain, I’ll make rush hour longer . . . – God.” The signs were an instant hit with much of the public. In fact, in the spring of 1999, the Outdoor Advertising Agency of America decided to use the spiritual billboards for its public service campaign that year. Soon, the sayings from God were appearing on ten thousand billboards around the country free of charge. One memorable billboard said this, “The wedding was nice. How about inviting me to the marriage? . . . – God.” [Tommy Nelson, The 12 Essentials of Godly Success (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2005), p.170.]
13) “I love you.” Dr. James Dobson and his wife, Shirley, tell about a husband named Jim who was tragically killed in an accident while driving home from work. It was his wife Carol’s fiftieth birthday. Rescue teams found two plane tickets to Hawaii in Jim’s pocket; he had planned to surprise Carol with them. Months later, Carol was asked how she was coping. She answered that on their wedding day, she and Jim had promised to say, “I love you” before noon each day of their marriage. Over the years it had become a fun–and often difficult–challenge. She recalled running down the driveway saying, “I love you,” even though she was angry at Jim. On other occasions she drove to his office to drop a note in his car before the noon deadline. The effort it took to keep that promise led to many positive memories of their years together. The morning Jim died, he left a birthday card in the kitchen, then slipped out to the car. Carol heard the engine starting and raced outside. She banged on the car window until he rolled it down, then yelled over the roar of the engine, “Here on my fiftieth birthday, Mr. James E. Garret, I, Carol Garret, want to go on record as saying I love you!” “That’s how I’ve survived,” Carol said later. “Knowing that the last words I said to Jim were ‘I love you!’” Wouldn’t it be tragic if you had to remember that the last word you spoke to your husband or wife was a word of criticism, a word that belittled him or her? Is your marriage marked by positive comments and words of encouragement? Are you able to overlook one another’s faults and forgive one another’s mistakes? This is getting more and more difficult, isn’t it?
14) They made plans to renew their wedding vows in the National Forest: There was an interesting article in a women’s magazine recently. After sixteen years of marriage, Suzanne and Jim Shemwell of Boise, Idaho, were ready to call it quits. They argued constantly. Divorce seemed like their only option. But then, on March 5, 2003, while on a snowmobile trip in the Boise National Forest, Suzanne and Jim became stranded in a blizzard. For the next five days, they had to rely on one another for their very survival. Trapped in the forest, fighting frostbite, hunger, and various injuries, Jim and Suzanne stopped arguing and began cooperating. Back home, their conversations were filled with insults and discouraging comments. But out in the woods, they focused on encouraging and comforting one another. By the time they were rescued on March 10, 2003, the Shemwells were wondering why they had ever wanted to separate in the first place. They made plans to renew their wedding vows on March 10, 2004, in the Boise National Forest. It would probably help many couples to get lost in a forest for a while so that they could really get to know each other. How well do you know your spouse? Are you sensitive to one another’s needs? That’s question one on our test. Here’s question two: Is your marriage marked by positive comments and words of encouragement? Now here things get a little stickier. How easy it is for marriage partners to aim barbs toward one another!
15) “I don’t know, fills gaps I guess.” Perhaps you saw the original Rocky film before Sylvester Stallone. Do you remember the love relationship Rocky had with Adrian in Rocky? She was the little wallflower who worked in the pet shop, the sister of Pauly, an insensitive goon who worked at the meat house and wanted to become a collector of debts for a loan shark. Pauly couldn’t understand why Rocky was attracted to Adrian. “I don’t see it,” he said. “What’s the attraction?” Do you remember Rocky’s answer? Rocky said, “I don’t know — fills gaps I guess.” “What’s gaps?” asks Pauly. “She’s got gaps,” says Rocky, “I got gaps. Together we fill gaps.” In his simple but profound way, Rocky hit upon a great truth. He was saying that he and Adrian each had empty places in their lives. But when the two of them got together, they filled those blank spots in one another. [Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Moments Together for Couples (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1995).] And that is exactly what God intended. God takes marriage seriously. There are no perfect marriages but there can be great marriages. Those great marriages occur when two people commit themselves to God and to one another
16) Anna Ruby Falls: In the mountains of Georgia there is a waterfall called Anna Ruby Falls. It is a perfect example of what becoming one in marriage is like. Two separate mountain streams lap and gurgle down a mountain and plummet separately, one 150 feet, the other 300 feet, in a dazzling display of watery lace and rainbow colors. At the base of the mountain both falls enter a common pool. Here the two creeks are joined and flow on as a river together. Marriage is like this, too. We become one and flow on. His is hers and hers is his. Neither mate loses his identity. They blend. Talents, strength, faults, Faiths, needs — they are joined in marriage and the two become one.
17) United Methodist Social Principles Centuries ago, Tertullian wrote: “How beautiful, then, is the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, and one in the religion they practice.” The United Methodist Social Principles are an example of how Christ’s words are heard and how we, in our brokenness, live. “When a married couple is estranged beyond reconciliation, even after thoughtful consideration and counsel, divorce is a regrettable alternative in the midst of brokenness.”
18) Polygamy, bigamy monogamy? There was once a story about teacher in English who asked her sophomore class what’s the word denoting a marriage with many wives. A student answered, “Ma’am, polygamy.” “Correct,” she said. “How about a marriage with two spouses,” another student replied, “Ma’am, it is bigamy.” “Correct,” the teacher said, “And how about a marriage with only one wife?” A student raised his hand and blurted out, “Ma’am, monotony!” Actually what the student meant was “monogamy,” of course. However, unwittingly his answer touched on a problem in marriage, that is, monotony, which can lead to divorce which Jesus condemns in today’s Gospel. (Fr. Benitez).
19) “I remember who she is and I remember who I am.” A few years ago, there was a man whose wife became seriously ill with Alzheimer’s disease. She completely lost all of her memory and her ability to remember who she was or who anyone else was. She was in a nursing home and her husband came by to sit beside her bed and be beside her every day. One of his sons told him that he didn’t need to keep doing that because she didn’t remember who she was and she didn’t remember who he was. The man said: “I know she doesn’t remember anything, but I do. I remember who she is and I remember who I am. I am the husband who said to her 55 years ago, ‘I will love and cherish you for better or worse and in sickness and health.’ And I intend to do just that.” (http://www.parkavemethodist.org/sermon.php?s=16.)
20) Carrying the most valuable treasure: Among the folkloric literature of Eastern Europe, there is a tale which reflects the quality of love which marriage demands: After a long siege, the duke of Bavaria sat trapped in his castle of Weisberg. Outside the city walls, his enemy, emperor Konrad, was demanding his surrender. While the conditions of surrender were being determined, the women of Weisberg sent a message to Konrad, asking for safe passage out of the city. They also requested that they be allowed to take with them as many of their valuables as they could carry. Their request granted, soon the castle gates were opened and out came the women. To Konrad’s amazement, they carried no gold or jewels. Each woman was bending under the weight of her husband whom she hoped to save from the vengeance of their conqueror. Their loving stratagem proved successful and their story continues to bear witness to selfless love which constitutes a true marriage. (Sanchez Archives).
21) Authentic married love: In their book, Spiritual Partners, Cornelia Jessey and Irving Sussmann have chronicled the marriage of some of the world’s most noted couples. Among the relationships cited are those of Catherine and William Blake, Olivia and Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), Paula and Martin Buber, Maisie Ward and Frank Sheed (Sheed and Ward Publ. Co.), and Raissa and Jacques Maritain. Each marriage was a union of two very different people with very different backgrounds and experiences. Many of the spouses were from vastly different cultures, countries and religious affiliations. Yet each of these remarkable marriages was enduring, monogamous and offered to the world an example of authentic married love as well as a deep spiritual outpouring of creativity and service which influenced religious thought and western culture. (Sanchez Archives).
22) Androgyne legend on marriage: Marriage has been a mystery throughout human history. From the time immemorial philosophers have reflected on this mystery, poets have sung about it, and religious men have glorified it. They realized that marriage is a union of man and woman in physical, mental, religious and social realms. In their attempt to give a convincing explanation for this mystery the wise men of the ancient past gave rise to many legends. According to a Greek legend, “The original human nature was not like the present, but different. The sexes were not two, as they are now, but originally the man and woman were together. The primeval man was called Androgyne. He was round, his back and sides forming a circle; one head with two faces looking in opposite ways, set on a round neck and precisely alike; also four ears, two privy members, and the remainder to correspond. He could walk upright as men do now, backwards or forwards as he pleased, and he could also roll over and over at a great pace. Terrible was their might and strength, and the thoughts of their hearts were great, and they dared to scale the heavens, and they made an attack on the gods. The gods took council and Zeus discovered a way to humble their pride. So they decided to cut them in to two. After the division, each of the two parts of man (the Androgyne), desired union with its other half. And that desire for the reunion takes place in marriage. So, the desire of one another is implanted within us, reuniting our original nature, making one of two. (Fr. Bobby Jose).
23) The Marriage Commitment: Harold Kushner, an American rabbi tells how a young couple came to see him one evening. Their wedding was coming up and he was to officiate at it. At one point the young man said to him, “Rabbi, would you object if we made one small change in the wedding ceremony? Instead of pronouncing us husband and wife ‘till death do us part,’ could you pronounce us husband and wife ’for as long as love lasts?’ We’ve talked about this and we both feel that, should the day come when we no longer love each other, it wouldn’t be morally right for us to be stuck with each other.” But the rabbi replied, “I do object, and I won’t make the change. You and I know that there is such a thing as divorce, and we know that a lot of marriages these days don’t last until one of the partners dies. But let me tell you something. If you go into marriage with an attitude of, ‘If it doesn’t work out, we can always split, ’then I can almost guarantee you that things won’t work out for you. I appreciate your honesty. But you must understand that a marriage commitment is not just a mutual willingness to live together, but a commitment to accept the frustrations and disappointments that are an inevitable part of two imperfect human beings relating to each other. It’s hard enough to make a go of marriage even when you give it everything you’ve got. But if only a part of you is involved in the relationship, then you have virtually no chance.” (Flor McCarthy in New Sundays and Holy Day Liturgies; quoted by Fr. Botelho).
24) Strange Arithmetic: Dr. Paul Popenoe, the famous marriage counselor, was talking to a young husband who had been openly critical of his wife. Dr. Popenoe was explaining how two become one in marriage. In a smart reply the husband said, “Yes, but which one?” The counselor said, “A little of each.” Then he went on to explain that in marriage you have to develop “we-psychology”…and to think of yourself in terms of a pair rather than as an individual. What happens when two become one in a real marriage? Some think that it reduces your individuality. Too often one party or the other seems to be saying: “All right – we two shall become one…and I AM the one!” Obviously, such a marriage is headed for trouble. Ideally, when “two become one” it means that each one is doubled, but not duplicated. You still retain your individual identity, but you add to yourself the identity of the other, and the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts. “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Mark 10:7). A wise person once said: “A marriage consists of one master, one mistress, and two slaves; making, in total, one.” That may be strange arithmetic, but it is good theology. (Donald B. Strobe, Collected Words, www.Sermons.com).
25) From now on, I’m the One! A feature in weddings in more recent times is the lighting of candles. The couple light two before the ceremony, signifying their individual lives, then when they become husband and wife they blow them out and light a single candle to symbolize the two becoming one and the unity of the partnership henceforth. On one occasion when not only the candles but also the readings proclaimed their unity, the couple were walking down the aisle after signing the register, and as they beamed at the admiring guests the bride gave her newly acquired husband a nudge and whispered, “Did you take that all in?” “All what?” he said. “All that about the two being one.” “Yes, I guess so,” he said, and then came the coup de grace. “Well in case you’re in any doubt, from now on, I’m the one!” (James A. Feeban in Story Power; quoted by Fr. Botelho).
26) Old Love: The question is asked, “Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and a girl clasping clean hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be any thing more beautiful than young love?” And the answer is given. “Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.” (Anonymous; quoted by Fr. Botelho). L/18
JOKES OF THE WEEK
#1: “My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.”
# 2: A 98-year-old man and a 95-year-old woman went to a lawyer to get a divorce. “How long have you been married?” he asked. “75 rough and rocky years,” they said. “Then, why have you waited so long to file for divorce?” They replied, “We had to wait for the kids to die!”
# 3: “The secret of my success in my married life and in my business is the same”, said, Henry Ford on the 50th anniversary of his wedding, “I don’t change models every now and then; instead I stick on to one and try to improve it.”
# 4: A couple was being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. “In all that time — did you ever consider divorce?” they were asked. “Oh, no, not divorce,” the wife said. “Murder sometimes, but never divorce.” (Jack Benny, comedian)
# 5: Marriage markers: I never married because there was no need. I have 3 pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband: I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
#5: Marriage miscellany: “A marriage may be made in Heaven but the maintenance must be done on earth.” Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes I am; I married the wrong man.” Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked. A man tells his wife of 15 years that it feels like they’ve only been married for 5 minutes, the wife says that’s so sweet, and he says yeah 5 minutes under water.
# 7: Plato, the great Greek thinker of the fourth century BC, reports the legend that human beings were originally twice as big and twice as strong as they are now. However, because their size and strength made them arrogant, the gods cut them down to half their size; only when two-matching halves found one another and completed one another in marriage did they find true happiness.
8)”We’re getting a divorce!”: Morris calls his son in NY and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?” “It’s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you’re my son, and I thought you should know. I really don’t want to get into it any more than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.” “But where’s Mama? Can I talk to her?” “No, I don’t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven’t told her yet. Believe me it hasn’t been easy. I’ve agonized over it for several days, and I’ve finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.” “Dad, don’t do anything rash. I’m going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won’t do anything until I get there.”
“Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Christmas. I’ll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in MA and break the news to her. I just can’t bear to talk about it anymore.” A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the in two days. “Benny told me that you don’t want to talk about it on the telephone but promise me that you won’t do anything until we both get there.” Morris smiles and tells his wife, “Isn’t that the best way to get your kids together for Christmas!”
Isn't that the best way to get your kids together for Yom Kippur!
From Fr. Tony Kadavil:
13) "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't."
14) A 98 year-old man and a 95 year-old woman went to a lawyer to get a divorce. “How long have you been married?" he asked. "75 rough and rocky years," they said. "Then, why have you waited so long to file for divorce?" They replied, "We had to wait for the kids to die!"
15) “The secret of my success in my married life and in my business is the same”, said, Henry Ford on the 50th anniversary of his wedding, “I don’t change models every now and then; instead I stick on to one and try to improve it”.
16) A couple was being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. "In all that time -- did you ever consider divorce?" they were asked. "Oh, no, not divorce," the wife said. "Murder sometimes, but never divorce." (Jack Benny, comedian)
17) I never married because there was no need. I have 3 pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband: I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
18) Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am; I married the wrong man."
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26- Additional anecdotes: FromFr. Tony Kadavil:
1) 12 Rules for a happy marriage: Recently I came across the following 12 rules for a happy marriage that had been given by the well-known Ann Landers in her weekly article. Although to my knowledge, Mrs. Landers has never obeyed the Gospel of Christ, I believe she set forth twelve practical suggestions that will promote a happier home environment. These twelve rules are actually Biblical; I have included Scripture references for each rule:- Never both be angry at once (Proverbs 19:11)
- Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire (Proverbs 21:23)
- Yield to the wishes of the other as an exercise in self-discipline, if you can’t think of a better reason (Col. 3:18-19; Ephesians 5:21)
- If you have a choice between making yourself or your spouse look good–choose your spouse (Philippians 2:3-4; Matthew 19:19)
- If you feel you must criticize, do so lovingly (Ephesians 4:15)
- Never bring up a mistake of the past (Philippians 3:13-14)
- Neglect the whole world rather than each other (Ephesians 5:25-31)
- Never let the day end without saying at least one complimentary thing to your life partner (Proverbs 31:26)
- Never meet without an affectionate greeting (Proverbs 5:18-19)
- When you make a mistake, talk it out and ask for forgiveness (James 5:16)
- Remember, it takes two to make an argument. The one who is wrong is the one who will be doing most of the talking (James 3:5-8)
- Never go to bed mad (Ecclesiastes 7:9; Colossians 3:8).
3) Divorce and cohabitation: The U.S. Census Bureau report for the decade of the 90’s was released May 15 2001. Here are its disturbing findings concerning the family. The average life span of a marriage has dropped alarmingly. Any marriage without an expiration date of 10 years is, well, a miracle. Households headed by unmarried partners grew by almost 72 percent from 1990 to 2000. Most of these arrangements were men and women living together out of wedlock. Other studies have shown that cohabitation increased by close to 1,000 percent from 1960 to 1998. Households headed by single mothers increased by more than 25 percent, and those led by single fathers grew, get this, by almost 62 percent. And this next finding is astounding: For the first time ever, nuclear families dropped below 25 percent of households. That means the nuclear family, a mom and a dad and children, represents less than a quarter of all homes. Another finding partially explains why this is happening: A third of all babies are born to unmarried women (33 percent) compared to only 4 percent in 1940. You will remember some years back the actress Jodie Foster was in the news because she chose to bear and raise a child alone. There are a growing number of women in their late 20’s and 30’s who are doing the same
4) In search of a perfect woman to marry: One afternoon, according to an old Sufi tale, a man named Nasiruddin was sitting in a cafe, drinking tea with a friend and talking about life and love. “How come you never got married, Nasruddin?” asked his friend at one point. “Well,” said Nasruddin, “to tell you the truth, I spent my youth looking for the perfect woman. In Cairo, I met a beautiful and intelligent woman, with eyes like dark olives, but she was unkind. Then in Baghdad, I met a woman who was a wonderful and generous soul, but we had no interests in common. One woman after another would seem just right, but there would always be something missing. Then one day, I met her. She was beautiful, intelligent, generous and kind. We had everything in common. In fact, she was perfect.” “Well,” said Nasruddin’s friend, “what happened? Why didn’t you marry her?” Nasruddin sipped his tea reflectively. “Well,” he replied. ”It’s a sad thing; seems she was looking for the perfect man.” In today’s Gospel Jesus reminds us that an imperfect man has no right to divorce his equally imperfect wife whom God has given him as His perfect gift.
5) “Chemistry and Math of marriage”: Neil Warren, who has studied what he calls the “love secrets” of 100 couples with model marriages, says that his most significant finding is also the most surprising. Here’s the most shocking thing you may read in this entire book. Chemistry between two people is responsive to mental and emotional processes over which we have tremendous control. That’s right, you can make chemistry happen. If you don’t feel the flutter in your heart for your spouse that you once did, if the magic is gone from your relationship, don’t panic. You can change that! [Neil Clark Warren, The Triumphant Marriage (Dallas: Word Books, 1995), 72.] The phrase “The chemistry just isn’t there anymore,” should be banished from our vocabulary. Each of us can maximize chemistry to make new chemical reactions happen. The chemistry wrong? Mix up some new chemicals. Stir up some different romance ingredients. Here are some simple rituals of renewal which can keep your marriage romantically potent: Plant a tree together. Give a gift in honor of your marriage. Renew marriage vows. Buy the biggest wedding cake and invite friends over. Exchange gifts of jewelry. But as important as it is to become a good chemist, it is equally important to become a bad mathematician. In marriage, each partner must be willing to put in more than he or she takes out. Each person has to do a little more than what he thinks his share is'” [Prescription for a Quality Relationship (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1988).] A lasting marriage is one in which each partner “looks out for number two,” not where each one is “looking out for number one.”
6) Flex the muscles of trust and bend the knees of prayer. Trust may not seem glamorous or sexy, but many married people have found out too late that without trust, there is nothing. Mistrust is a cancer that rots away relationships. Faithfulness in a relationship is measured in more ways than monogamy; trust is the key component of faithfulness, while mistrust always plays a part in unfaithfulness. Bend the knees of prayer. The connection between complete, genuine trust in one another and faithfulness is perhaps what underlies one final finding about lasting marriages that shouldn’t be a surprise, but is. Andrew Greeley says, “It’s one of those statistics that catches your eye and makes you say, ‘No, that can’t be!’ But according to a groundbreaking Gallup survey, happiness in a marriage is better predicted by how often a couple prays together than by how often they make love.” [For more on this see Faithful Attraction (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1991), 190.] There’s more. Couples who pray together (compared to couples who don’t), report having greater respect for their mate (83 percent vs. 62 percent), agree on how to raise children (73 percent vs. 59 percent), are more playful (56 percent vs. 45 percent), and believe their mate is a skilled lover (62 percent vs. 49 percent). Individual prayer correlates with marital happiness, too, but joint prayer correlates at a level twice as high. According to a 1990 university study, virtually ignored by social scientists, decades of research have demonstrated that people highly involved in their Faith have the happiest marriages. [See D. Thomas and M. Cornwall, “Religion and Family in the 1980s: Discovery and Development,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, (1990), 983-992.]
7) “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” A newly-ordained priest was about to perform his first wedding, and he was very nervous. So he asked his pastor for help. The old monsignor told him everything he needed to know and then ended with some advice. “Father,” he said, “if you get lost and can’t think of what to say, quote Scripture. It’s always safe, and you’ll never go wrong.”
With that the young priest went off to the Church and did a fine job of conducting the wedding … until the very end, that is, when he was to pray the solemn blessing over the bride and groom. At that crucial moment, with hand outstretched and every eye upon him, he froze. He couldn’t find his place in the prayer book. His mind was a blank. He had no idea of what to say. Then he remembered the monsignor’s advice: if you get lost, quote scripture. So he ended the wedding by quoting most solemnly the only verse he could remember, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Fr. Dennis Clarke)
8) “I want to be married, but I didn’t know how to draw it.” A fifth grade teacher asked the children in her art class to draw pictures of what they want to be when they grow up. Sally drew an astronaut, Sue a doctor, Bruce a missionary. But Karen turned in a blank sheet of paper. “Isn’t there something you want to be?” the teacher inquired. The child replied, “I want to be married, but I didn’t know how to draw it.” Sad, but isn’t that true of our society today? Over 95 percent of us will marry at some point in our life. Yet nearly forty percent of us will divorce. In 1890 there were nearly 10,000 divorces nationwide. Last year there were over 1,200,000! In Charlotte, North Carolina, last year there were more divorces than there were marriages. Ditto for Fayetteville, North Carolina, and Washington, D.C. It is as if we’ve lost the blueprint for building a lasting and satisfying home. Where can we go to find the blueprint? Can your U.S. Senator supply it? Is it in the pages of Better Homes and Gardens magazine? Is it animated on the silver screen from Hollywood? Do you inquire of Ann Landers? That is why we have the Gospel on marriage and divorce today. Jesus’ words repeat the oldest Biblical teaching on matrimony: `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ (Genesis 2:24).
9) “We’ve had a fight. Papa, I want to come home.” A young couple had a quarrel and the bride of three months called her parents long distance saying, “Mama, I hate him. We’ve had a fight. Papa, I want to come home.” The father very discreetly said, “I’m sorry, daughter, you have no home here. For better or worse you’ve left for a new home. Work it out the best you can!” and he hung up the phone. Now I know that was a difficult thing for a parent to do, but it was the right thing. The best advice to a parent is to hold your children very close, love them, and train them up in God’s Word. Then let them go! Let them leave! Don’t interfere. Don’t give them advice unless you are asked. And don’t live near them if you can help it. Across town is best!
[Original form of Joke of the week #8] “I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” There is a story about a Jewish couple from New York that moved to Florida. Because of that move their children never visited them. Morris calls his son in NY and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?” “It’s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you’re my son, and I thought you should know. I really don’t want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.” “But where’s Mama? Can I talk to her?” “No, I don’t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven’t told her yet. Believe me it hasn’t been easy. I’ve agonized over it for several days, and I’ve finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.” “Dad, don’t do anything rash. I’m going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won’t do anything until I get there.” “Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Rosh Hashanah. I’ll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in MA and break the news to her. I just can’t bear to talk about it anymore.” A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida in two days. “Benny told me that you don’t want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won’t do anything until we both get there.” Morris promises. After hanging up from his daughter, Morris turns to his wife and says, “Well, it worked this time, but we are going to have to come up with a new idea to get them here for Passover!”
11) “I love you so much!” Michael Hargrove tells about a scene at an airport that literally changed his life. He was picking up a friend. He noticed a man coming toward him carrying two light bags. The man stopped right next to Hargrove to greet his family. The man motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They hugged and Hargrove heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” “Me, too, Dad!” said the son. The oldest son (maybe nine or ten) was next. “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” Then he turned to their little girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half). He kissed her and held her close. He handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife a long, passionate kiss. “I love you so much!” He said to his wife softly. Hargrove interrupted this idyllic scene to ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?” “Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those,” the man replied, as he gazed into his wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” The man turned around and said, “Two whole days!” Hargrove was stunned. “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!” The man stopped smiling and said, “Don’t hope, friend . . . decide!” (Michael D. Hargrove, Chapnotes, ChapnotesMail@aol.com?Subject=Subscribe.) And that’s it, isn’t it? For most of us it comes down to a decision. “Till death do us part.” It doesn’t happen in every relationship, but that is still the ideal that Jesus gives us. “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Amen.
12) “The wedding was nice. How about inviting me to the marriage? God.” A satisfying marriage requires the presence of God. In the fall of 1998, an anonymous donor in Florida had an idea. He decided to hire an ad agency, the Smith Agency, to design a campaign to get the people of his community talking about God. The Smith Agency designed eighteen billboards with what were supposedly sayings from God. Signs like, “Come on over and bring the kids . . . – God,” and “Let’s meet at my house Sunday before the game . . . – God,” and “We need to talk . . . – God,” and “What part of ‘Thou Shalt Not’ didn’t you understand? – God” and “Keep using my name in vain, I’ll make rush hour longer . . . – God.” The signs were an instant hit with much of the public. In fact, in the spring of 1999, the Outdoor Advertising Agency of America decided to use the spiritual billboards for its public service campaign that year. Soon, the sayings from God were appearing on ten thousand billboards around the country free of charge. One memorable billboard said this, “The wedding was nice. How about inviting me to the marriage? . . . – God.” [Tommy Nelson, The 12 Essentials of Godly Success (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2005), p.170.]
13) “I love you.” Dr. James Dobson and his wife, Shirley, tell about a husband named Jim who was tragically killed in an accident while driving home from work. It was his wife Carol’s fiftieth birthday. Rescue teams found two plane tickets to Hawaii in Jim’s pocket; he had planned to surprise Carol with them. Months later, Carol was asked how she was coping. She answered that on their wedding day, she and Jim had promised to say, “I love you” before noon each day of their marriage. Over the years it had become a fun–and often difficult–challenge. She recalled running down the driveway saying, “I love you,” even though she was angry at Jim. On other occasions she drove to his office to drop a note in his car before the noon deadline. The effort it took to keep that promise led to many positive memories of their years together. The morning Jim died, he left a birthday card in the kitchen, then slipped out to the car. Carol heard the engine starting and raced outside. She banged on the car window until he rolled it down, then yelled over the roar of the engine, “Here on my fiftieth birthday, Mr. James E. Garret, I, Carol Garret, want to go on record as saying I love you!” “That’s how I’ve survived,” Carol said later. “Knowing that the last words I said to Jim were ‘I love you!’” Wouldn’t it be tragic if you had to remember that the last word you spoke to your husband or wife was a word of criticism, a word that belittled him or her? Is your marriage marked by positive comments and words of encouragement? Are you able to overlook one another’s faults and forgive one another’s mistakes? This is getting more and more difficult, isn’t it?
14) They made plans to renew their wedding vows in the National Forest: There was an interesting article in a women’s magazine recently. After sixteen years of marriage, Suzanne and Jim Shemwell of Boise, Idaho, were ready to call it quits. They argued constantly. Divorce seemed like their only option. But then, on March 5, 2003, while on a snowmobile trip in the Boise National Forest, Suzanne and Jim became stranded in a blizzard. For the next five days, they had to rely on one another for their very survival. Trapped in the forest, fighting frostbite, hunger, and various injuries, Jim and Suzanne stopped arguing and began cooperating. Back home, their conversations were filled with insults and discouraging comments. But out in the woods, they focused on encouraging and comforting one another. By the time they were rescued on March 10, 2003, the Shemwells were wondering why they had ever wanted to separate in the first place. They made plans to renew their wedding vows on March 10, 2004, in the Boise National Forest. It would probably help many couples to get lost in a forest for a while so that they could really get to know each other. How well do you know your spouse? Are you sensitive to one another’s needs? That’s question one on our test. Here’s question two: Is your marriage marked by positive comments and words of encouragement? Now here things get a little stickier. How easy it is for marriage partners to aim barbs toward one another!
15) “I don’t know, fills gaps I guess.” Perhaps you saw the original Rocky film before Sylvester Stallone. Do you remember the love relationship Rocky had with Adrian in Rocky? She was the little wallflower who worked in the pet shop, the sister of Pauly, an insensitive goon who worked at the meat house and wanted to become a collector of debts for a loan shark. Pauly couldn’t understand why Rocky was attracted to Adrian. “I don’t see it,” he said. “What’s the attraction?” Do you remember Rocky’s answer? Rocky said, “I don’t know — fills gaps I guess.” “What’s gaps?” asks Pauly. “She’s got gaps,” says Rocky, “I got gaps. Together we fill gaps.” In his simple but profound way, Rocky hit upon a great truth. He was saying that he and Adrian each had empty places in their lives. But when the two of them got together, they filled those blank spots in one another. [Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Moments Together for Couples (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1995).] And that is exactly what God intended. God takes marriage seriously. There are no perfect marriages but there can be great marriages. Those great marriages occur when two people commit themselves to God and to one another
16) Anna Ruby Falls: In the mountains of Georgia there is a waterfall called Anna Ruby Falls. It is a perfect example of what becoming one in marriage is like. Two separate mountain streams lap and gurgle down a mountain and plummet separately, one 150 feet, the other 300 feet, in a dazzling display of watery lace and rainbow colors. At the base of the mountain both falls enter a common pool. Here the two creeks are joined and flow on as a river together. Marriage is like this, too. We become one and flow on. His is hers and hers is his. Neither mate loses his identity. They blend. Talents, strength, faults, Faiths, needs — they are joined in marriage and the two become one.
17) United Methodist Social Principles Centuries ago, Tertullian wrote: “How beautiful, then, is the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, and one in the religion they practice.” The United Methodist Social Principles are an example of how Christ’s words are heard and how we, in our brokenness, live. “When a married couple is estranged beyond reconciliation, even after thoughtful consideration and counsel, divorce is a regrettable alternative in the midst of brokenness.”
18) Polygamy, bigamy monogamy? There was once a story about teacher in English who asked her sophomore class what’s the word denoting a marriage with many wives. A student answered, “Ma’am, polygamy.” “Correct,” she said. “How about a marriage with two spouses,” another student replied, “Ma’am, it is bigamy.” “Correct,” the teacher said, “And how about a marriage with only one wife?” A student raised his hand and blurted out, “Ma’am, monotony!” Actually what the student meant was “monogamy,” of course. However, unwittingly his answer touched on a problem in marriage, that is, monotony, which can lead to divorce which Jesus condemns in today’s Gospel. (Fr. Benitez).
19) “I remember who she is and I remember who I am.” A few years ago, there was a man whose wife became seriously ill with Alzheimer’s disease. She completely lost all of her memory and her ability to remember who she was or who anyone else was. She was in a nursing home and her husband came by to sit beside her bed and be beside her every day. One of his sons told him that he didn’t need to keep doing that because she didn’t remember who she was and she didn’t remember who he was. The man said: “I know she doesn’t remember anything, but I do. I remember who she is and I remember who I am. I am the husband who said to her 55 years ago, ‘I will love and cherish you for better or worse and in sickness and health.’ And I intend to do just that.” (http://www.parkavemethodist.org/sermon.php?s=16.)
20) Carrying the most valuable treasure: Among the folkloric literature of Eastern Europe, there is a tale which reflects the quality of love which marriage demands: After a long siege, the duke of Bavaria sat trapped in his castle of Weisberg. Outside the city walls, his enemy, emperor Konrad, was demanding his surrender. While the conditions of surrender were being determined, the women of Weisberg sent a message to Konrad, asking for safe passage out of the city. They also requested that they be allowed to take with them as many of their valuables as they could carry. Their request granted, soon the castle gates were opened and out came the women. To Konrad’s amazement, they carried no gold or jewels. Each woman was bending under the weight of her husband whom she hoped to save from the vengeance of their conqueror. Their loving stratagem proved successful and their story continues to bear witness to selfless love which constitutes a true marriage. (Sanchez Archives).
21) Authentic married love: In their book, Spiritual Partners, Cornelia Jessey and Irving Sussmann have chronicled the marriage of some of the world’s most noted couples. Among the relationships cited are those of Catherine and William Blake, Olivia and Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), Paula and Martin Buber, Maisie Ward and Frank Sheed (Sheed and Ward Publ. Co.), and Raissa and Jacques Maritain. Each marriage was a union of two very different people with very different backgrounds and experiences. Many of the spouses were from vastly different cultures, countries and religious affiliations. Yet each of these remarkable marriages was enduring, monogamous and offered to the world an example of authentic married love as well as a deep spiritual outpouring of creativity and service which influenced religious thought and western culture. (Sanchez Archives).
22) Androgyne legend on marriage: Marriage has been a mystery throughout human history. From the time immemorial philosophers have reflected on this mystery, poets have sung about it, and religious men have glorified it. They realized that marriage is a union of man and woman in physical, mental, religious and social realms. In their attempt to give a convincing explanation for this mystery the wise men of the ancient past gave rise to many legends. According to a Greek legend, “The original human nature was not like the present, but different. The sexes were not two, as they are now, but originally the man and woman were together. The primeval man was called Androgyne. He was round, his back and sides forming a circle; one head with two faces looking in opposite ways, set on a round neck and precisely alike; also four ears, two privy members, and the remainder to correspond. He could walk upright as men do now, backwards or forwards as he pleased, and he could also roll over and over at a great pace. Terrible was their might and strength, and the thoughts of their hearts were great, and they dared to scale the heavens, and they made an attack on the gods. The gods took council and Zeus discovered a way to humble their pride. So they decided to cut them in to two. After the division, each of the two parts of man (the Androgyne), desired union with its other half. And that desire for the reunion takes place in marriage. So, the desire of one another is implanted within us, reuniting our original nature, making one of two. (Fr. Bobby Jose).
23) The Marriage Commitment: Harold Kushner, an American rabbi tells how a young couple came to see him one evening. Their wedding was coming up and he was to officiate at it. At one point the young man said to him, “Rabbi, would you object if we made one small change in the wedding ceremony? Instead of pronouncing us husband and wife ‘till death do us part,’ could you pronounce us husband and wife ’for as long as love lasts?’ We’ve talked about this and we both feel that, should the day come when we no longer love each other, it wouldn’t be morally right for us to be stuck with each other.” But the rabbi replied, “I do object, and I won’t make the change. You and I know that there is such a thing as divorce, and we know that a lot of marriages these days don’t last until one of the partners dies. But let me tell you something. If you go into marriage with an attitude of, ‘If it doesn’t work out, we can always split, ’then I can almost guarantee you that things won’t work out for you. I appreciate your honesty. But you must understand that a marriage commitment is not just a mutual willingness to live together, but a commitment to accept the frustrations and disappointments that are an inevitable part of two imperfect human beings relating to each other. It’s hard enough to make a go of marriage even when you give it everything you’ve got. But if only a part of you is involved in the relationship, then you have virtually no chance.” (Flor McCarthy in New Sundays and Holy Day Liturgies; quoted by Fr. Botelho).
24) Strange Arithmetic: Dr. Paul Popenoe, the famous marriage counselor, was talking to a young husband who had been openly critical of his wife. Dr. Popenoe was explaining how two become one in marriage. In a smart reply the husband said, “Yes, but which one?” The counselor said, “A little of each.” Then he went on to explain that in marriage you have to develop “we-psychology”…and to think of yourself in terms of a pair rather than as an individual. What happens when two become one in a real marriage? Some think that it reduces your individuality. Too often one party or the other seems to be saying: “All right – we two shall become one…and I AM the one!” Obviously, such a marriage is headed for trouble. Ideally, when “two become one” it means that each one is doubled, but not duplicated. You still retain your individual identity, but you add to yourself the identity of the other, and the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts. “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Mark 10:7). A wise person once said: “A marriage consists of one master, one mistress, and two slaves; making, in total, one.” That may be strange arithmetic, but it is good theology. (Donald B. Strobe, Collected Words, www.Sermons.com).
25) From now on, I’m the One! A feature in weddings in more recent times is the lighting of candles. The couple light two before the ceremony, signifying their individual lives, then when they become husband and wife they blow them out and light a single candle to symbolize the two becoming one and the unity of the partnership henceforth. On one occasion when not only the candles but also the readings proclaimed their unity, the couple were walking down the aisle after signing the register, and as they beamed at the admiring guests the bride gave her newly acquired husband a nudge and whispered, “Did you take that all in?” “All what?” he said. “All that about the two being one.” “Yes, I guess so,” he said, and then came the coup de grace. “Well in case you’re in any doubt, from now on, I’m the one!” (James A. Feeban in Story Power; quoted by Fr. Botelho).
JOKES OF THE WEEK
#1: “My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.”
# 2: A 98-year-old man and a 95-year-old woman went to a lawyer to get a divorce. “How long have you been married?” he asked. “75 rough and rocky years,” they said. “Then, why have you waited so long to file for divorce?” They replied, “We had to wait for the kids to die!”
# 3: “The secret of my success in my married life and in my business is the same”, said, Henry Ford on the 50th anniversary of his wedding, “I don’t change models every now and then; instead I stick on to one and try to improve it.”
# 4: A couple was being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. “In all that time — did you ever consider divorce?” they were asked. “Oh, no, not divorce,” the wife said. “Murder sometimes, but never divorce.” (Jack Benny, comedian)
# 5: Marriage markers: I never married because there was no need. I have 3 pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband: I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
#5: Marriage miscellany: “A marriage may be made in Heaven but the maintenance must be done on earth.” Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes I am; I married the wrong man.” Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked. A man tells his wife of 15 years that it feels like they’ve only been married for 5 minutes, the wife says that’s so sweet, and he says yeah 5 minutes under water.
# 7: Plato, the great Greek thinker of the fourth century BC, reports the legend that human beings were originally twice as big and twice as strong as they are now. However, because their size and strength made them arrogant, the gods cut them down to half their size; only when two-matching halves found one another and completed one another in marriage did they find true happiness.
8)”We’re getting a divorce!”: Morris calls his son in NY and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?” “It’s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you’re my son, and I thought you should know. I really don’t want to get into it any more than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.” “But where’s Mama? Can I talk to her?” “No, I don’t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven’t told her yet. Believe me it hasn’t been easy. I’ve agonized over it for several days, and I’ve finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.” “Dad, don’t do anything rash. I’m going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won’t do anything until I get there.”
“Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Christmas. I’ll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in MA and break the news to her. I just can’t bear to talk about it anymore.” A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the in two days. “Benny told me that you don’t want to talk about it on the telephone but promise me that you won’t do anything until we both get there.” Morris smiles and tells his wife, “Isn’t that the best way to get your kids together for Christmas!”
