Unshakable Fidelity: In a rapidly changing world, many values are questioned. One of them is the lasting marriage commitment. Undoubtedly, the outlook on marriage has changed with a changing culture. The patriarchal marriage pattern of the Bible is no longer our own. The point is: What can be changed in marriage and what constitutes its core that cannot be called into question? Our Lord’s statement in today’s Gospel: “What God has joined together, no human being must separate,” is the rule Christians follow. For Jesus in Mark, marriage means covenantal loyalty. John Piper reminds us:
There was a busy marketing executive who was doing very well with his job. As he began climbing the ladder in his position with the company it also brought in undue delays in his getting back home and his wife was exasperated by her waiting for him even for the dinner together. They had evening prayer together and used to go to Sunday mass. Now everything seems to be falling apart. One day he gets home past 11:00 o’clock, and what does he see? Three suitcases are packed and she’s sitting downtrodden. “What’s the matter, honey? What’s going on?” She said: “I can’t stand this anymore. I’m leaving you!” He couldn’t believe his ears. He was frozen for a moment. Then he said, “Wait a minute” and ran upstairs, packed himself a suitcase, came down, and said: “I am also leaving. With you.” If the spirit works in you, you’ll be able to respond quickly to such situations even if worldly or business concerns distract you sometimes from your primary commitment.
According to Jesus in Mark’s gospel, marriage must reflect the handiwork of the creator. Jesus seems to presuppose that covenantal loyalty embraces one’s whole life and one’s whole being. Marriage implies, not abandonment, but the ongoing pursuit of a love which includes forgiveness. The creator’s handiwork looks to unending mutual concern and mutual dedication. For Jesus in Mark, marriage means covenantal loyalty.
Arthur Tonne reports that a study reveals that but one out of fifty-seven marriages ended in divorce among husbands and wives that worshipped at church consistently. Even more amazing was the finding that only one marriage in five hundred concluded in divorce in couples where there is organized Scripture reading and prayer. To paraphrase Patrick Peyton, the husband and wife who pray together have an above-average chance of staying together.
“The secret of my success in my married life and in my business is the same”, said, Henry Ford on the 50th anniversary of his wedding, “I don’t change models every now and then; instead, I stick to one model and try to improve it.”
A husband and a wife had a fight one day and wouldn’t talk to each other. A day went, two and three. Can you imagine for a woman not to talk for three days? And so, on the 3rd day evening, she began opening the drawers, the cupboard, the shelves as if searching for something. The husband was curious watching her searching for something. A little ego and pride stopped him from asking. Finally, he blurted out: “what is it you are looking for?” She quickly responded: “I’ve just found it: your voice!” If you are bound together for “in good times or bad times”, each partner has a responsibility of finding ways to reconnect and to relive that commitment despite all storms that come into our lives.
Maya Angelon says:
The question is asked, “Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and a girl clasping clean hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?” And the answer is given. “Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are wrinkled and scarred but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.” Rom 12:10 reminds us:
“The secret of my success in my married life and in my business is the same”, said, Henry Ford on the 50th anniversary of his wedding, “I don’t change models every now and then; instead, I stick to one model and try to improve it.”
Marriage miscellany: “A marriage may be made in Heaven but the maintenance must be done on earth.” Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. There will be infidelities, letdowns and other issues as in any relationship. They shouldn’t break a marriage covenant. It’s not a contract.
Practical Application:
To be a good husband or a good wife is to exemplify covenantal loyalty. To perform one’s job well is to concretize covenantal loyalty. To offer support and understanding is to dramatize covenantal loyalty. To grow after misunderstandings is to enflesh covenantal loyalty. To back each other up in all periods of life is to spell out covenantal loyalty. Married people who see their vocation in this light affirm that marriage means covenantal loyalty.
Prayer: God, source of all love, blessed are you for your tenderness inscribed in the hearts of people; blessed are you for giving us your Son as the token of your faithful love. Keep us from separating what you have united: husbands and wives, parents and their children, your Son and his Church, friends in their joys and sorrows. Let us all live in your creative, lasting love. We ask this through Christ our Lord. R/ Amen.
*****
Current Scenario:
The grim picture presented by divorce statistics. We are told that during the last three years the divorce rate in the U.S has gone above 43%, although it is still less than that in Russia (65%), Sweden (63%), U.K (49%) and Australia (49%). In 1998 there were 19.4 million divorced adults in the U.S.A.
Divorce a curse on children: Today, divorce is at an all-time high, and there are more lives shattered by it than can ever be documented or calculated. There is hardly a child or a family in the advanced countries that hasn't been touched by the pain of divorce in one way or another. Judith S. Wallerstein, Sandra Blakeslee, & Julia M. Lewis state in their book: The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: a 25 Year Landmark Study: "... children of divorce have a very hard time growing up. They never recover from their parents’ breakups and have difficulty forming their own adult relationships." In How Now Shall We Live? Chuck Colson (A Special Counsel to President Richard Nixon from 1969 to 1973 and later, after his release from prison, a noted Evangelical Christian leader and cultural commentator), notes some disturbing realities that plague children who grow up without a father: a) Children of single-parent families are five times more likely to be poor because half the single mothers in the United States live below the poverty line. b) Children of divorced parents suffer intense grief and other metal problems requiring psychological help. c) Children from disrupted families have more academic and behavioral problems at school and are nearly twice as likely to drop out of high school. d) Girls in single-parent homes are at a much greater risk for being sexually precocious, and are more likely to have a child out of wedlock. e) Crime and substance abuse are strongly linked to fatherless households. f) Statistics show that 60 percent of rapists grew up in fatherless homes, as did 72 percent of adolescent murderers, and 70 percent of all long-term prison inmates. In fact, most of the social problems disrupting American life today can be traced to divorce. Today’s gospel contains Jesus’ clear teaching on marriage and divorce. (Fr. Tony Kadavil)
| From Father James Gilhooley |
| A man was observing the golden jubilee of his wedding. He was asked his secret. He responded, "On my wedding day, Joan's father gave me a watch. Across the face of it, he had printed, "Say something nice to Joan.'" Did Jesus know of the teachings of the Greek philosopher Plato who lived 400 years before Him? There is speculation Christ spoke Greek. If He did, He surely would have applauded Plato's writing on marriage. He taught that man and woman are but half of their original size. Genuine happiness only arrives when the two halves in question find each other and marry. Thus they help each other reach full growth. Marriage then should not shrink one's personality. The contrary, according to one of the greatest minds we know of, is the case. Marriage should double one's own person and spirit in its fullest sense. Courtship, said a sage, is dreaming happy dreams together and a good marriage is bringing them down to earth and watching them come true. First the bad news. Everyone here is aware of the alarming statistics on divorce. One third of all marriages are ending before the divorce judge. Some feel that percentage is too conservative. But, in any case, these are no longer academic numbers, for most of us have family members who are divorced. The dreadful plague has hit our own homes. In Joseph Donder's words, we have all witnessed too often in marriage: "hopes not fulfilled, prayers not heard, efforts in vain, promises unrealized, frustration, disaster, a curse instead of a blessing, death instead of life." Now the good news. Arthur Tonne reports that a study reveals that but one out of fifty seven marriages ended in divorce among husbands and wives that worshipped at church consistently. Even more amazing was the finding that only one marriage in five hundred concluded in divorce in couples where there is organized Scripture reading and prayer. To paraphrase Patrick Peyton, the husband and wife who pray together have an above-average chance of staying together. Mark's Gospel today reveals that God made the law prohibiting divorce. But Tonne's figures reveal He also appears determined to do His part to assist couples who give Him the serious attention He deserves. Public worship and private study and prayer over the Scriptures strike me as good marriage insurance. The most hard-nosed insurance broker would advise bride and groom to invest in same from day one. When this Gospel begins, the Teacher is in the territory which is today's Jordan. The Nazarene was preaching out in the open fields. The synagogues were too small to hold the crowds who wanted to hear Him. This tells you of His popularity and effectiveness as a preacher. The Master's prohibition on divorce is found not merely here in Mark's Gospel. One can also discover it in the Gospel of Luke and, for emphasis, two different times in Matthew. Some may wish He did not condemn divorce, but the written record shows He did. And St Paul clearly understood that point, for he underlines the prohibition in his own letters. Divorce disturbed the Christ. In His day, it was more common than the common cold. No attorneys nor judges were required. A divorce became a fact before one could say, "Going, going, gone." Marriage for the Christ means undivided loyalty. One commentator has observed that our culture teaches husband and wife to ask, "What's in it for me?" But Jesus wants them to ask each other, "What's in it for us?" Married people rush to ask, "How can I complete myself in this union?" But the Teacher according to Mark wishes them to ask, "How can we complete ourselves?" Some self-anointed experts advise couples to inquire, "How can I serve my wife?" and "How can I serve my husband?" But the real question is, "How can we serve each other?" Albert Schweitzer sums up the point this way: "The only ones who will be really happy are those who have sought and found out how to serve." Or, as Neil Diamond puts it in a ballad: "Selfishness is the reason for the decline in the number of husbands and wives." If couples learn to treat the other the way they treat their own selves, their marriage will become more attractive. Each must say, "I will do more than belong, I will participate. I will do more than care, I will help. I will do more than believe, I will practice. I will do more than be fair, I will be kind. I will do more than be friendly, I will be a friend. I will do more than forgive, I will love." Author Unknown |
Michel DeVerteuil
Textual Comments
Today’s reading follows a previous summary of Jesus’ teaching. It reminds us that this was part of his teaching at this point of his life: “And again crowds gathered round him and again he taught them as his custom was”. All this teaching was very appropriate once he had made up his mind to head for Jerusalem and face the consequences of what he had achieved up to now. This was especially “his custom” at this stage.
Our text for today is clearly divided into two sections.
Verses 2 to 12 are a teaching on marriage.
Verses 13 to 16 are a teaching on Jesus’ attitude to children.
The juxtaposition reminds us then that Jesus’ teaching on marriage must not remain focused on this aspect of life alone. We must therefore look on his teaching as a wide concept.
This is the glory and the richness of the method of lectio divina and today’s passage is not an exception. In this method, every text of the bible is spoken to the whole world. Every Christian, no matter what his own vocation may be, is set to find within the context of the story before us something they can learn from it. It is always a wonderful message of new life, a way of being truer to what is deep within ourselves.
Jesus shows himself as a wise person. He points out how in the course of every period, a community always tends to take the easy way out. This is a normal turn of events. Then eventually some one like Moses arises on the scene. He makes something official although it was originally just a spontaneous compromise. It was intended to suit a particular circumstance. Now all of a sudden it takes on the force of a law.The relationship between man and woman is a very good example. The ancient text of Genesis reminds us that man and woman were intended by God to live on equal terms. There was to be no great difference between them. They are both human beings, created by God to live in harmony. Jesus then is the typical “wise person”. He is able to move beyond the here-and-now problem and see how things were “at the beginning of creation.”
This is why he can see that “they were testing him”. It was not a small question but a great one.
We can read the passage then of other realities which God made to be complementary and we have allowed to become opposed or even in competition.
Jesus is the great teacher who restores harmony that was there in the “beginning”. He brings about that what had become two should once more be found as “one body”, always in harmony, never in opposition.
We remember being able to give ourselves to work of different kinds, whatever it may be. The work often seems to be intolerable to us. But we need to be comfortable with ourselves. We must give ourselves as we are – not as we think we should be.
We remember our own country for example. Our people have been brought up to be well able to get over the disagreements among themselves and continue to find a harmonious relationship with each other. In this way, our little country can be an outstanding example to many others in the rest of the world. We are called to live in good relationships in spite of our religious disagreements which may appear to be serious but do not prevent us from living in harmony.We will notice that verses 10 to 12 are separate from the rest of the passage. In fact they don’t occur in the other versions of the story at all.
They serve as an important addition to the passage. Jesus adds a new element to the usual breakdown between husband and wife. He says, “If a woman divorces her husband, and marries another, she is guilty of adultery too”. This is a remarkable addition telling us that in the Christian Church women have their rights and privileges too. Men have them and so do women. We must insist that this is the right approach to the problem – at every level.
In general we interpret both passages as moments when we find that we come to a deeper insight into a truth. We thought we had it well received. Now we realise that it means more to us than we had originally thought. We accept this with great joy and recognition.
Jesus help me to see you in the poor of the world
We may identify with the disciples, or more probably with Jesus. His attitude is at three levels.
i) He is welcoming of those whom society has tended to reject as unreasonable.ii) He shows the children reverence. He “lays hands on them and blesses them”, treating each of them as very important.
iii) He sees that each of them has something unique to teach the rest of us.
All children, and this includes all those in our community we tended to neglect, have a deep lesson to teach us. They tell us how we should relate to those in our community whom we tended to neglect.
Scriptural Reflection
“Able to approach the Future as a Friend,
Without a wardrobe of excuses.” W.H. Auden
Lord, there are many things in life which you have made complementary,
not two, but together forming one reality:
– young and old in a community;
– men and women in relationships;
– people of different cultures in our one world;
– body and soul within each of us.
It is difficult to make this unity,
and so we allow ourselves to divorce these things from each other.
We see them as opposed and even in competition.
We thank you for people like Jesus
who teach us that it was not so at the beginning of creation,
and what you have united we human beings have no right to divide.
Lord, we who have been happily married thank you today for the great gift
by which two people whom you have made male and female
left their mothers and fathers and the two then became one body,
so that we are no longer two but just one body
in a bond so strong that no one could ever break it.
Lord, we pray that your Church may remain faithful to the teaching of Jesus,
so that even though we come back and question one another over and over again,
we may continue to say, as he did,
that not only is the man who divorces his wife and marries another
guilty of adultery against her,
but the woman who divorces her husband and marries another
is guilty of adultery too.
Lord, we remember the time when little children were not allowed to go to Holy Communion.
We thank you that you sent us a great pope like Pius X.
He was rightly indignant that they were being turned away;
he allowed them to come to Jesus
and would not let them be stopped any longer.
“The incarnation is the mystery in which each of the thousand million human beings living on our planet has become a sharer from the moment he is conceived beneath the heart of his mother.” Pope John Paul II
Lord, when we become professionals,
doctors, lawyers, consultants, bankers, principals of schools,
we tend to isolate ourselves in our air-conditioned offices
with efficient receptionists who turn away peoplewhen they bring small problems to us.
We pray that we may feel indignation at this
and that in our presbyteries and church offices
we may rather put our arms round the little people,
lay our hands on them and share our blessings with them.
“To understand Scripture we must stop acting like mere spectators.” Karl Barth
Lord, sometimes at our church services little children distract us;
they make noise, run up and down the aisle and make comments.
We block them from our minds so that we can concentrate on our prayers
or on the sermon.
But they are teaching us a precious lesson,
that if we do not feel at home with them we can never enter into your presence.
“How much better to carry relief to the poor than send it.” John Wesley
Lord, when we were young we said foolish things,
or expressed ourselves awkwardly, and most adults dismissed us.
Today we remember with gratitude that one person who welcomed us
as Jesus welcomed little children, and took us seriously,
showing us that what we were saying was in fact very important,
and so gave us a blessing.
*************************************
Thomas O’Loughlin
Introduction to the Celebration
We gather each week to form the church: the community who follow Jesus as the way to the Father, and who encounter Jesus, and become one with him, when we gather about his table. It is this encounter with Jesus that makes this a sacred place and a sacred event. At our gathering today we are reminded in the gospel that one of the other sacred places where we can encounter the Son of God is in marriage: the union, indeed, of a married couple is the image of the bond that exists between Jesus Christ and us, his church.General Notes
1. Preaching on divorce
There is a perceptible shudder in most congregations when this gospel on divorce is read: the subconscious expectation is that now ‘we are in for it’ – an harangue on the evils of divorce, why it is bad for society, and why it must be opposed at every turn. There is a popular folk memory of such ‘pulpit thumping’ that is far larger than probably the real extent of such preaching in the past, and despite the fact that few people under sixty can even remember seeing a sermon delivered from an actual pulpit. So the first thing to remember today is that there is a lot of deep-felt resentment about such harangues in any community, and it creates a tension and dissonance between people and their hearing of the good news. It is part of the task of every preacher of the good news to seek to remove that tension.
However, quite apart from the fact that harangues on a topic like divorce simply do not work (indeed, they are counter-productive in that people resent them), there is a deeper reason why they are wholly inappropriate at a celebration of the Eucharist. Imagine a situation where a preacher was on a soapbox in a public place (it could be a blog on the internet or a column in a local newspaper) and is arguing the church’s stand on divorce. Here the communications dynamic is that the preacher is explaining the church’s position to all-and-sundry, some, many, or perhaps all are outsiders to the church and the gospel, and who may be inquirers about our position or who may be detractors of Christianity and for whom this message is an explanation. However, the situation at the Eucharist is completely different: we are meeting as the church, our gathering makes us the church, and as an intimate family meal of sisters and brothers in Christ, we cannot hear the church’s teaching as if we were outsiders to that teaching – alas much actual preaching fails to recognise this! The communications dynamic at the Eucharist is that we are a group made into a sacred unity as the body of Christ, and we hear this message as intimates. So we hear the gospel as good news about ourselves and our chosen way for the pilgrimage of faith and life. Any preaching which starts off on the premise that the Eucharistic congregation needs to be told what’they should know’ about’ the church’s position’ on this or that (which silently assumes that the gathering and ‘the church’ are distinct realities), is based on a false ecclesiology and ignores the nature of the task the liturgy entrusts to the homilist.
Pope Francis on Wednesday (Aug. 5,2015) issued a powerful call for the church to embrace Catholics who have divorced and remarried.
What practical steps, therefore, can the president of an assembly take to allay the fears of many that they are going to be harangued?• First, concentrate on marriage as part of God’s loving plan of salvation, rather than starting from the failure of marriage at the point when divorce looms on the horizon.
• Second, since marriage is part of human experience, recognise that a celibate speaking on marriage sounds as convincing as someone offering to service your car because he has bought the manual although he has never worked in a garage! Preaching on marriage by a celibate has as much integrity as an plutocrat preaching on the option for the poor: the lack of integrity stems from the fact that there is not the combination of thinking, experiencing and feeling that is the hallmark of true human knowledge / wisdom.
• Third, get someone to give the homily who can help the community reflect on marriage from within their own Christian experience. Obviously, if there is a married deacon, this is a day when he should preach. Otherwise, begin the homily by inviting someone, or a couple, to address the gathering, and conclude by having a moment to reflect on what they have shared with their brothers and sisters. Every community has someone with some theological training or who has some experience with one of the many groups that act to support Christians in the marriages.
• Fourth, there will be people in the assembly for whom’regular’ marriage is not an option, or for whom marriage has failed. So whoever addresses the community needs to be reminded that presenting some ‘ideal’ marriage as covering all and as being assured of success if only some criteria are met is not only false witness, but can be deeply hurtful. No one should leave the Lord’s banquet of love feeling hurt — this is a basic Christian principle.
• Lastly, watch out in using the word ‘sacrament’: most people think of an event (e.g. a baptism ceremony) or a thing (e.g. the Blessed Sacrament) rather than of an on-going mystery when they hear the word. So’the sacrament of matrimony’ is the wedding. It is a waste of time to try to correct this: our task is to communicate the good news, not to make sure that people are aware of the correct use of theological jargon.
2. The shorter version of the gospel
There are two reasons for opting for the shorter form of the gospel today. First, the two topics are really distinct and reading both just creates confusion. Second, we live with the on-going effects of the abuse of children and vulnerable people by clergy. Reading this longer text, unless you are prepared to openly talk about the wickedness of the crimes of the clergy involved —some of whom may be well known to everyone in the assembly seems like obfuscation and denial. If that is the message that is sent out, then the good news has not been preached.
3. The reader of the first reading
The passage from Genesis 2 is one that many women object to as theN, note in it that the author believes women should be subordinate to men (see the commentary). This in itself creates difficulties in the liturgy, but these are only exacerbated if this lection is read by a man to the women in the assembly. So this is an occasion where one should try to ensure that the reader for this reading is a woman.
Homily notes
1. It is a basic principle of communication that one should not start with a negative: is there anything more off-putting than someone approaching you and you already know they are only going to tell you about problems? Likewise, with today’s gospel: the question was put to Jesus about divorce, yet it is an understanding of marriage that is the real issue. But that raised another issue: given that their marriages are the most complex area of the lives of most of the community gathered, what can be said that is not trite in the course of five to seven minutes?
2. If you are not going to appeal to your own experience of marriage as a place where the risen Christ is encountered — i.e. a sacramental place —then it is perhaps best to offer some texts for the community to reflect upon such that the homily becomes a guided meditation.
3. Introduce the meditation with some phrase like this: This passage from Mark’s preaching reminds us that marriage is part of God’s loving plan for the creation, and people who are married can, in their marriages, encounter Jesus who renews the creation, brings healing from discord, and who gives us strength to be people of love. Here are some passages to reflect on which express in prayer how we view marriage.
4. Use these texts from the prefaces of marriage:‘You [0 God] are the loving Father of the world of nature; you are the loving Father of the new creation of grace.
In Christian marriage you bring together the two orders of creation:
nature’s gift of children enriches the world
and your grace enriches also your church.’
‘You created man [and woman] in love to share your divine life.
We see [our] high destiny in the love of husband and wife, Which bears the imprint of your own divine love.
Love is [our] origin,
Love is [our] constant calling,
Love is [our] fulfilment in heaven.
The love of man and woman
Is made holy in the sacrament of marriage
And becomes the mirror of your everlasting love.’
These two texts (from Prefaces 72 and 74 respectively) should be enough, if read slowly with pauses, to create a space of reflection.
5. Some may object that offering a poetic reflection is ‘dodging’ a sermon, but this fails to grasp the fact that what is called for is a homily –a communication event that allows the assembly to come into contact with the Word of God (something alive and active, and not to be confused with the words in the gospel’s text) in response to hearing the preaching of the evangelists. In a noisy, busy world – a world that is so frenetic that it is well to remember that in every gathering there will be one person who has forgotten to turn off their mobile, and many others who are worried that they are missing calls while their mobiles are ‘off’ – deliberately creating spaces for reflection may be a necessary precondition of people hearing the Word.**********************************
Sean Goan
Gospel
The gospels agree that Jesus, unlike his contemporaries in the Pharisee movement, takes a very strong line on divorce. He argues from God’s plan in Genesis (see first reading) that the original intention for marriage was that it should be a covenant of love willed by God and that it should not be set aside by any human agency. This answer no doubt shocked his disciples who would have, like their contemporaries, taken divorce for granted.
However, when questioned, Jesus drives the point home forcefully by speaking of adultery and divorce in the same breath and then also of women divorcing. This was not allowed among the Jews but did occur among the Gentiles. So Jesus is calling for a radical rethink on the nature of married love, one that rejects the dominant view based on a husband’s power over his wife and instead emphasises the relationship of equals intended by God. This challenging teaching is followed by another exhortation on the appropriate way to receive the kingdom. It is worth remembering that it is not so long since Jesus advised his disciples that anyone who welcomes a child welcomes him. Now we find them preventing the children from coming to him and not surprisingly he is angry with them. This is not just because of the incident but because of their repeated failure to really listen to what he is telling them.Reflection
The message from the Bible in relation to the sexes is that this relationship is not built on superiority but on complementarily. It is a message that with the passage of time and the rise of patriarchal societies has become blurred. Genesis insists that both are equally made in the image and likeness of God (Gen 1:26-27) and share fully in the destiny which is theirs as children of God. Unfortunately Jesus does not offer specific pastoral advice for people who find themselves in broken marriages but we do know that we are always called to be compassionate as our heavenly Father is compassionate*****
FROM THE CONNECTIONS:
THE WORD:
The question of divorce was among the most divisive issues in Jewish society. The Book of Deuteronomy (24: 1) stipulated that a husband could divorce his wife for “some indecency.” Interpretations of exactly what constituted “indecency” varied greatly, ranging from adultery to accidentally burning the evening meal. Further, the wife was regarded under the Law as the husband’s chattel, with neither legal right to protection nor recourse to seeking a divorce on her own. In Biblical times, there was little appreciation of love and commitment in marriage -- marriages were always arranged in the husband’s favor, the husband could divorce his wife for just about any reason, the woman was treated little better than property. Divorce, then, was tragically common among the Jews of Jesus’ time.In today’s Gospel, Jesus cites the Genesis account of the creation of man and woman (today’s first reading) to emphasize that husband and wife are equal partners in the covenant of marriage (“the two become one body”). The language of Genesis indicates that the Creator intends for the marriage union to possess the same special covenantal nature as God’s covenant with Israel. Jesus again appeals to the spiritof the Law rather than arguing legalities: It is the nature of their marriage covenant that husband and wife owe to one another total and complete love and mutual respect in sharing responsibility for making their marriage succeed.
Today’s Gospel reading also includes Mark’s story of Jesus’ welcoming the little children. Again, Jesus holds up the model of a child’s simplicity and humility as the model for the servant-disciple.
HOMILY POINTS:
Marriage is more than a legal contract between two “parties” but a sacrament – a living sign of God’s presence and grace in our midst, the manifestation of the love of God, a love that knows neither condition nor limit in its ability to give and forgive.
A child’s marvelous sense of wonder, inquisitiveness and simplicity that deflates adult “logic” and the “conventional wisdom” and make us look at the essence of our actions and our beliefs model for us how to respond in faith to Jesus' call to discipleship.
Whites and darks, bless the Lord!
The night before their 10th anniversary, they did what they had done just about every Thursday night since they were married: the laundry.
In the family room, with the baseball game on, they sorted the mountain of just-laundered clothes. She smoothed their daughter’s tees; he folded their son’s Spiderman pajamas. She matched up what seemed like hundreds of socks; he separated the various undershirts and underpants.
As he kept one eye on the ball game while they worked, it struck her how their laundry had grown over the last ten years. She remembered that first year of their marriage when they would hurry off to that dingy laundromat near their one-bedroom apartment with their single basket of clothes. They were both working and in school; time and money were tight. Now they had this beautiful home with (thank God!) a washing machine and dryer. With the birth of their children, the single basket quadrupled, with diapers, play clothes and school clothes, and the never ending need to wash more towels. There were, of course, disasters along the way: the time he shrunk her beautiful cashmere sweater, the time little Bobby left crayons in his pocket that turned all the whites into a bizarre shade of reddish orange.
As she continued to fluff and folded this week's laundry, she was overcome with a sense of gratitude. Tonight she saw these shirts and socks and shorts as nothing less than cotton and polyblend signs of God’s goodness.
Just then, her daydream snapped. As she reached into the basket to grab a towel, he grabbed the same towel. She looked up and smiled; he smiled back, not knowing what that tear in her eye was all about. His touch still sent a shiver up and down her spine. Yep, the marriage is still working, she thought.
Tomorrow night they would go out to dinner to celebrate ten years of doing laundry together.
[Suggested by the meditation “Laundry makes our marriage work” by Kristin M. Santos, in Our Family, Missionary Oblates of St. Mary, Battleford, Sask.]
A couple’s life together -- a life centered in trust, forgiveness and love -- and their generous response to the vocation of parenthood model the unfathomable and profound love of God: love that lets go rather than clings, love that happily gives rather than takes, love that liberates rather than confines. The sacrament of marriage, as Jesus taught, is a total giving and sharing by each spouse so that the line between “his” and “hers” disappears into only “us.” In the life they create together, life that sometimes means both taking on and letting go for the sake of the beloved, Christ is the ever-present Wedding Guest, who makes their simple, everyday life together a miraculous sacrament, in which the love of God is revealed to all of us in this couple’s love for one another.
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FROM FR. JUDE BOTELHO:
The first reading speaks to us of love – God’s love for his creation, his people, his very own. He does not create and leave them to manage on their own. God is constantly involved in our life! “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helpmate.” We have been made to be people who need people. It is part of our nature to be in relationship with one another, to be people who live in love, people who live in community, in a family, in togetherness. We are made for one another, made from one another. The description of woman being created from man’s rib is symbolic. She is not created from his foot to be controlled, she is not created from his head to dominate him but from close to his heart, always needed, always to be cared for.
Favourite piece?
They returned home happy but tired after celebrating their fortieth wedding anniversary with their children and friends. Before falling into bed he offered to make a late-night snack for both of them. While she slumped into a stool along the kitchen counter, he collected the ham, cheese and mustard from the refrigerator. Reaching into the breadbox, he took out what turned out to be the last four slices of bread. He carefully made two sandwiches and cut each in four quarters, the way she liked them. He placed one of the sandwiches in a plate and placed it in front of her. “How come you always give me the sandwich with the heel of the bread,” she said. “For forty years we’ve been married and you always give me the heel of the bread. I know I’ve never said this before, but honey, I really hate the heel of the bread.” Embarrassed he shrugged his shoulders and said, “I always give you the heel of bread because it’s my favourite piece.” The story speaks of a tender love. It might also show some lack of communication if, after forty years, they didn’t know what each liked or disliked.
‘Cast your bread’ in Connections
In the Gospel we see the Pharisees trying to trap Jesus: It is really against the law for a man to divorce his wife? After all Moses allowed us to draw up a writ of dismissal and so to divorce.” Even today, many question the laws/teachings of the Church. So many people are breaking the law, so why can’t the Church change according to the times? We must always distinguish between those who are law-breakers, victims of the law, and victims of circumstances. We have no right to sit in judgment, to point a finger at others. We are called to be compassionate and understanding of the weaknesses of others. We have always to distinguish between the person and the law. At the same time we see Jesus not mincing his words. He lays down the law as it is. The Law will not change to suit our whims and fancies or for our convenience. Marriage is for life, commitment is for life. We want our relationships to last forever and they will, if we work at them and let God be an integral part of our lives. Perhaps the last part of the Gospel gives us one way in which we can make our relationships work: Jesus let the little children come to him and blessed them. The child symbolizes dependence on another. For our relationships to work we depend on God. Lastly, even as we grow and mature we must never lose the sense of wonder that we had as children. One of the things that strikes us about children is how they can get engrossed in the simplest of things, they forget everything else and enjoy that moment, that thing, that person. That ability to wonder can keep us going and we will find there is always something to be grateful for in our relationships and in life itself.
From now on, I’m the One!
A feature in weddings in more recent times is the lighting of candles. The couple light two before the ceremony, signifying their individual lives, then when they become husband and wife they blow them out and light a single candle to symbolize the two becoming one and the unity of the partnership henceforth. On one occasion when not only the candles but also the readings proclaimed their unity, the couple were walking down the aisle after signing the register, and as they beamed at the admiring guests the bride gave her newly acquired husband a nudge and whispered, “Did you take that all in?” “All what?” he said. “All that about the two being one.” “Yes I guess so,” he said, and then came the coup de grace. “Well in case you’re in any doubt, from now on I’m the one!”
James A. Feeban in ‘Story Power’
Old Love
The question is asked, “Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and a girl clasping clean hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be any thing more beautiful than young love?” And the answer is given. “Yes there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.”
Anonymous
The Marriage Commitment
Harold Kushner, an American rabbi tells how a young couple came to see him one evening. Their wedding was coming up and he was to officiate at it. At one point the young man said to him, ‘Rabbi, would you object if we made one small change in the wedding ceremony? Instead of pronouncing us husband and wife ‘till death do us part,’ could you pronounce us husband and wife’ for as long as love lasts? We’ve talked about this and we both feel that, should the day come when we no longer love each other, it wouldn’t be morally right for us to be stuck with each other.’ But the rabbi replied, ‘I do object, and I won’t make the change. You and I know that there is such a thing as divorce, and we know that a lot of marriages these days don’t last until one of the partners dies. But let me tell you something. If you go into marriage with an attitude of “If it doesn’t work out, we can always split’, then I can almost guarantee you that things won’t work out for you. ‘I appreciate your honesty. But you must understand that a marriage commitment is not just a mutual willingness to live together, but a commitment to accept the frustrations and disappointments that are an inevitable part of two imperfect human beings relating to each other. It’s hard enough to make a go of marriage even when you give it everything you’ve got. But if only a part of you is involved in the relationship, then you have virtually no chance’.
Flor McCarthy in ‘New Sundays and Holy Day Liturgies’
The enjoyment of simple things
In one of his books, Born Again, Charles Colson takes us back to a happy summer vacation he spent with his two sons. He bought them a 14-foot sailboat and took it out to the lake. When they arrived at the lake, a gentle summer rain was falling, but it didn’t dampen their spirits. As they shoved off the pier, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of rippling water. Colson’s ten-year old son was in control of the boat. When the boy realized he was skipper, the most marvelous look came upon his face. His eyes flashed with the excitement and wonder of knowing that in his two hands he was holding the power of the wind. As Colson looked into his son’s face and eyes, he himself became transfixed and strangely he found himself talking to God. He still remembers his words: Thank you God for giving me this son, for giving us this wonderful moment. Just looking into this boy’s eyes fulfils my life. Whatever happens in the future, even if I die tomorrow, my life is complete and full. Thank You!” Indeed, on that rainy summer afternoon, Colson discovered for himself, something that spiritual writers have maintained: wonder lies at the heart of prayer and worship.
Mark Link
Why no change?
Mike was a Christian and his pal Joe was an atheist. Joe lost no opportunity to have a ‘go’ at Mike about what he saw as the irrelevance of Christianity. One day they were out for a walk when they came across a gang of ‘toughies’ who were fighting and swearing. Joe pointed out the scene and said, “Look Mike, it’s been 2000 years since Christ came into the world and it’s still filled with aggression and violence.” Mike said nothing. Five minutes later, they came upon a group of dirty faced children. Now it was Mike’s turn. “Look Joe, it’s over 2000 years since soap was first discovered and yet the world’s still filled with dirty faces.” – Nothing happens till you use soap! –There is nothing automatic about Jesus or his message. It is like discovering a cure for cancer. Nothing happens until the patient takes the medicine. Jesus never fails! It’s a pity we have never tried his message!
Jack McArdle in ‘150 More stories for Preachers and Teachers’
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Illustrations:
Fr. Tony Kadavil:
1) Crime scene investigators (which we now know as "CSI") acknowledge that if all the witnesses to an event report exactly the same information there is only one conclusion to draw: They are lying. Human individuality, the uniqueness of individual perceptions and eye-witness, the unrepeatability of each person's own experience, makes it impossible for any group of individuals to see and report an event with the exact same language and coherence. If each rendition becomes a simply repetition - something is amiss.
The creation narratives found in Genesis 1 and Genesis 2 should never be thought of as a scenario of "Genesis 1 vs. Genesis 2." Genesis 1 and Genesis 2 do not offer some kind of contest to see whose world view wins. Instead, the biblical text is concerned to convey as much truth, to throw as much light as possible, into the relationship between God's creativity and our creaturely experience of creation. To discern the divine in our midst takes more than one voice.
What makes Scripture such a vital, life-giving force in our lives is that it is not a "mantra" of repetitious, unchanging, unvarying same-old-same-old series of words. Scripture lives because it tells a story, the greatest story ever told...
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2) A Modern Perspective on Jesus and the ChildrenNow imagine Jesus sitting a few rows up, waving down the flight attendant and volunteering to have all the children present sit around him for the duration of the flight..."Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
_____________________________3) Where Is the Hope?
I recently saw a newspaper cartoon of a mother reading a bedtime story to her little, curly-haired daughter. The book was called Grim Reality Fairy Tales, and the text read, "and the prince kissed her and they fell in love, dated a while and moved in together, broke up, got back together, got married, got a baby, got separated, got back together again, broke up, got divorced, spent time alone rediscovering themselves, met someone new, fell in love and repeated the pattern habitually ever after."
This worldview is sad, hopeless, and far from what God intended. More than ever, our children wonder what marriage is and what they might hope for in a relationship.
Steve Zeisler, What Did Moses Command?
This worldview is sad, hopeless, and far from what God intended. More than ever, our children wonder what marriage is and what they might hope for in a relationship.
Steve Zeisler, What Did Moses Command?
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4) Don't Hope...Decide
Michael Hargrove tells about a scene at an airport that literally changed his life. He was picking up a friend. He noticed a man coming toward him carrying two light bags. The man stopped right next to Hargrove to greet his family. The man motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They hugged and Hargrove heard the father say, "It's so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!" "Me, too, Dad!" said the son. The oldest son (maybe nine or ten) was next. "You're already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!" Then he turned to their little girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half). He kissed her and held her close. He handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, "I've saved the best for last!" and preceded to give his wife a long, passionate kiss. "I love you so much!" He said to his wife softly.
Hargrove interrupted this idyllic scene to ask, "Wow! How long have you two been married?"
"Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those," the man replied, as he gazed into his wife's face.
"Well then, how long have you been away?"
The man turned around and said, "Two whole days!" Hargrove was stunned. "I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!"
The man stopped smiling and said, "Don't hope, friend . . . decide!"
And that's it, isn't it? For most of us it comes down to a decision. "Till death us do part." It doesn't happen in every relationship, but that is still the ideal that Jesus gives us.
Michael Hargrove, quoted by King Duncan, Collected Sermons, www.Sermons.com
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One of the biggest problems in a culture like ours is proper time management. This is not because we have any less time than others; it's because the alternatives are so many. Because we have money; because we have ease of transportation; because the urban centers we live in have much to offer us in ways to make use of our time - any of us can find ourselves in a situation where we can't possibly do everything that might be done. The opportunities become a blur; we find ourselves in a maze. Sorting out the minutes and hours becomes an awesome task. And in the process, people - those people around us who are dearest - escape our notice. Their needs go unmet, unserved. Many times those people are the little people - our children.
Some argue that our children do not need the quantity of our time if the time we give them is filled with quality. It's true. There's no need to give our children even fifteen minutes of our time, if all they experience through us is negativism or unrest or a spirit of impatience. But most good teaching takes sheer time. Our loving and caring spirit, our understanding and calmness, and our devotion to Jesus Christ in word and action, need to seep in to a child's mind and soul. Such sharing rarely comes through a quick torrent of kisses or a fleeting, kindly word. It takes time and patience. Indeed the very spending of time with our children is part of our communicating to them that they are valued and loved.
Richard W. Patt, Partners in the Impossible, CSS Publishing Co., Inc.
6) The True Meaning of Marriage
In a Time Magazine article, Caitlin Flanagan observes that, while the divorce culture has become a fact of life over the past twenty-five years, the middle class has turned weddings into "overwrought exercises in consumer spending, as if by just plunking down enough cash for the flower girls' dresses and tissue-lined envelopes for the RSVP cards, we can somehow improve our chance of going the distance."
In our culture, marriage means less, but we spend more on our weddings. Go figure.
Flanagan concludes with these ominous words about the future of our country: "What we teach about the true meaning of marriage will determine a great deal about our fate."Scott Grant, The Way of the Lord in Marriage
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7) Real Life Children
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7) Real Life Children
The experience of having children has made me far more sympathetic to the early Puritans who didn't use words like "innate goodness" to describe human nature. They used words like "total depravity." Total depravity! Jesus said we are supposed to be like children to receive the kingdom of God? I can only join with millions of other parents and conclude that our Lord didn't know my kids when He made that statement.
When you walk into the bathroom and see an entire roll of brand new tissue paper lying in the toilet, it makes you wonder. When you see a whole pile of freshly washed and folded clothes lying all over the place like a tornado had hit, it makes you wonder. When you see your child sitting on the kitchen floor, trying to share her plate of food with the dog, it makes you wonder. And that's just the one-year-old at work! Imagine the three- and the six-year-old when they put their talents together! Sometimes it makes you more than wonder; sometimes it makes you cry.
Look at a group of kindergarteners some day and ask yourself: what can these kids teach us about receiving the kingdom of God?
Erskine White, Together In Christ, CSS Publishing Company
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8) Responses to DivorceIt is no wonder many ministers avoid this text. One year the lectionary appointed it for World Communion Sunday, of all days. A clergy friend said, "I have a congregation full of divorced people. How dare I invite them to the Lord's table with a passage that sounds so fierce?" Another minister, a divorced woman, avoided the issue altogether. She ignored the first ten verses and moved directly ahead to discuss the blessing Jesus offered to little children.
So we have a problem today. Is there any way for all of us to hear something helpful in this text?
William G. Carter, No Box Seats in The Kingdom, CSS Publishing Company
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9) Strange ArithmeticA wise person once said: "A marriage consists of one master, one mistress, and two slaves; making, in total, one." That may be strange arithmetic, but it is good theology.
Donald B. Strobe, Collected Words, www.Sermons.com
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Jesus wants us to trust in him and let the child within to be free. It is the only way to receive the kingdom of God. He wants us to give the child within the freedom to express itself, being creative, having fun and sharing emotions and feelings. He wants us to accept others who are different realizing that God makes us all and wants us to be genuine, authentic human beings. The end result is absolute joy and the opportunity to experience life in its fullest.
Keith Wagner, The Child Within
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11) Two Schools of Thought on Divorce
There were two schools of thought in Jesus' day concerning divorce, one liberal and one conservative. Rabbi Shammai taught that divorce was only permissible on the grounds of some sexual impropriety. His was the stricter view. Rabbi Hillel, on the other hand, had a more liberal view and taught that a man could divorce his wife for any reason. If she burned his breakfast, put too much salt on his food, showed disrespect to him, spoke disrespectfully of her husband's parents in his presence, spoke to a man on the street, or even let her hair down in public, he could divorce her. The view of Rabbi Hillel was the view that was popular in Jesus' day. So divorce was common in Palestine, and in this respect the setting was not unlike our own.
Perhaps the most significant difference between their customs and ours lay in the status of the different genders. A man could divorce a woman on a whim, but a woman could not divorce a man for any cause. The Old Testament contains a highly patriarchal position that viewed a woman's sexual immorality more as property damage against her husband (or her father) rather than as a moral issue. A double standard shines throughout the Old Testament, where it was not uncommon for the male rulers to have many wives and hundreds of concubines. If you look carefully at the question of the Pharisees, you will find no concern whatsoever about a woman's rights in marriage or divorce. "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"
Mickey Anders, Making Marriage Work
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12) Humor: We're Getting a Divorce
Morris calls his son in NY and says, "Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama." The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened.
"I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up."
"But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?"
"It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain."
"But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?"
"No, I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and I've finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow."
"Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Yom Kippur. I'll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in MA and break the news to her. I just can't bear to talk about it anymore."
A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow. "Benny told me that you don't want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won't do anything until we both get there." Morris promises...
Isn't that the best way to get your kids together for Yom Kippur!
From Fr. Tony Kadavil:
13) "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't."
3) Divorce and cohabitation: The U.S. Census Bureau report for the decade of the 90’s was released May 15 2001. Here are its disturbing findings concerning the family. The average life span of a marriage has dropped alarmingly. Any marriage without an expiration date of 10 years is, well, a miracle. Households headed by unmarried partners grew by almost 72 percent from 1990 to 2000. Most of these arrangements were men and women living together out of wedlock. Other studies have shown that cohabitation increased by close to 1,000 percent from 1960 to 1998. Households headed by single mothers increased by more than 25 percent, and those led by single fathers grew, get this, by almost 62 percent. And this next finding is astounding: For the first time ever, nuclear families dropped below 25 percent of households. That means the nuclear family, a mom and a dad and children, represents less than a quarter of all homes. Another finding partially explains why this is happening: A third of all babies are born to unmarried women (33 percent) compared to only 4 percent in 1940. You will remember some years back the actress Jodie Foster was in the news because she chose to bear and raise a child alone. There are a growing number of women in their late 20’s and 30’s who are doing the same
4) In search of a perfect woman to marry: One afternoon, according to an old Sufi tale, a man named Nasiruddin was sitting in a cafe, drinking tea with a friend and talking about life and love. “How come you never got married, Nasruddin?” asked his friend at one point. “Well,” said Nasruddin, “to tell you the truth, I spent my youth looking for the perfect woman. In Cairo, I met a beautiful and intelligent woman, with eyes like dark olives, but she was unkind. Then in Baghdad, I met a woman who was a wonderful and generous soul, but we had no interests in common. One woman after another would seem just right, but there would always be something missing. Then one day, I met her. She was beautiful, intelligent, generous and kind. We had everything in common. In fact, she was perfect.” “Well,” said Nasruddin’s friend, “what happened? Why didn’t you marry her?” Nasruddin sipped his tea reflectively. “Well,” he replied. ”It’s a sad thing; seems she was looking for the perfect man.” In today’s Gospel Jesus reminds us that an imperfect man has no right to divorce his equally imperfect wife whom God has given him as His perfect gift.
5) “Chemistry and Math of marriage”: Neil Warren, who has studied what he calls the “love secrets” of 100 couples with model marriages, says that his most significant finding is also the most surprising. Here’s the most shocking thing you may read in this entire book. Chemistry between two people is responsive to mental and emotional processes over which we have tremendous control. That’s right, you can make chemistry happen. If you don’t feel the flutter in your heart for your spouse that you once did, if the magic is gone from your relationship, don’t panic. You can change that! [Neil Clark Warren, The Triumphant Marriage (Dallas: Word Books, 1995), 72.] The phrase “The chemistry just isn’t there anymore,” should be banished from our vocabulary. Each of us can maximize chemistry to make new chemical reactions happen. The chemistry wrong? Mix up some new chemicals. Stir up some different romance ingredients. Here are some simple rituals of renewal which can keep your marriage romantically potent: Plant a tree together. Give a gift in honor of your marriage. Renew marriage vows. Buy the biggest wedding cake and invite friends over. Exchange gifts of jewelry. But as important as it is to become a good chemist, it is equally important to become a bad mathematician. In marriage, each partner must be willing to put in more than he or she takes out. Each person has to do a little more than what he thinks his share is'” [Prescription for a Quality Relationship (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1988).] A lasting marriage is one in which each partner “looks out for number two,” not where each one is “looking out for number one.”
6) Flex the muscles of trust and bend the knees of prayer. Trust may not seem glamorous or sexy, but many married people have found out too late that without trust, there is nothing. Mistrust is a cancer that rots away relationships. Faithfulness in a relationship is measured in more ways than monogamy; trust is the key component of faithfulness, while mistrust always plays a part in unfaithfulness. Bend the knees of prayer. The connection between complete, genuine trust in one another and faithfulness is perhaps what underlies one final finding about lasting marriages that shouldn’t be a surprise, but is. Andrew Greeley says, “It’s one of those statistics that catches your eye and makes you say, ‘No, that can’t be!’ But according to a groundbreaking Gallup survey, happiness in a marriage is better predicted by how often a couple prays together than by how often they make love.” [For more on this see Faithful Attraction (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1991), 190.] There’s more. Couples who pray together (compared to couples who don’t), report having greater respect for their mate (83 percent vs. 62 percent), agree on how to raise children (73 percent vs. 59 percent), are more playful (56 percent vs. 45 percent), and believe their mate is a skilled lover (62 percent vs. 49 percent). Individual prayer correlates with marital happiness, too, but joint prayer correlates at a level twice as high. According to a 1990 university study, virtually ignored by social scientists, decades of research have demonstrated that people highly involved in their Faith have the happiest marriages. [See D. Thomas and M. Cornwall, “Religion and Family in the 1980s: Discovery and Development,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, (1990), 983-992.]
7) “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” A newly-ordained priest was about to perform his first wedding, and he was very nervous. So he asked his pastor for help. The old monsignor told him everything he needed to know and then ended with some advice. “Father,” he said, “if you get lost and can’t think of what to say, quote Scripture. It’s always safe, and you’ll never go wrong.”
With that the young priest went off to the Church and did a fine job of conducting the wedding … until the very end, that is, when he was to pray the solemn blessing over the bride and groom. At that crucial moment, with hand outstretched and every eye upon him, he froze. He couldn’t find his place in the prayer book. His mind was a blank. He had no idea of what to say. Then he remembered the monsignor’s advice: if you get lost, quote scripture. So he ended the wedding by quoting most solemnly the only verse he could remember, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Fr. Dennis Clarke)
8) “I want to be married, but I didn’t know how to draw it.” A fifth grade teacher asked the children in her art class to draw pictures of what they want to be when they grow up. Sally drew an astronaut, Sue a doctor, Bruce a missionary. But Karen turned in a blank sheet of paper. “Isn’t there something you want to be?” the teacher inquired. The child replied, “I want to be married, but I didn’t know how to draw it.” Sad, but isn’t that true of our society today? Over 95 percent of us will marry at some point in our life. Yet nearly forty percent of us will divorce. In 1890 there were nearly 10,000 divorces nationwide. Last year there were over 1,200,000! In Charlotte, North Carolina, last year there were more divorces than there were marriages. Ditto for Fayetteville, North Carolina, and Washington, D.C. It is as if we’ve lost the blueprint for building a lasting and satisfying home. Where can we go to find the blueprint? Can your U.S. Senator supply it? Is it in the pages of Better Homes and Gardens magazine? Is it animated on the silver screen from Hollywood? Do you inquire of Ann Landers? That is why we have the Gospel on marriage and divorce today. Jesus’ words repeat the oldest Biblical teaching on matrimony: `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ (Genesis 2:24).
9) “We’ve had a fight. Papa, I want to come home.” A young couple had a quarrel and the bride of three months called her parents long distance saying, “Mama, I hate him. We’ve had a fight. Papa, I want to come home.” The father very discreetly said, “I’m sorry, daughter, you have no home here. For better or worse you’ve left for a new home. Work it out the best you can!” and he hung up the phone. Now I know that was a difficult thing for a parent to do, but it was the right thing. The best advice to a parent is to hold your children very close, love them, and train them up in God’s Word. Then let them go! Let them leave! Don’t interfere. Don’t give them advice unless you are asked. And don’t live near them if you can help it. Across town is best!
[Original form of Joke of the week #8] “I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” There is a story about a Jewish couple from New York that moved to Florida. Because of that move their children never visited them. Morris calls his son in NY and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?” “It’s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you’re my son, and I thought you should know. I really don’t want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.” “But where’s Mama? Can I talk to her?” “No, I don’t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven’t told her yet. Believe me it hasn’t been easy. I’ve agonized over it for several days, and I’ve finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.” “Dad, don’t do anything rash. I’m going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won’t do anything until I get there.” “Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Rosh Hashanah. I’ll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in MA and break the news to her. I just can’t bear to talk about it anymore.” A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida in two days. “Benny told me that you don’t want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won’t do anything until we both get there.” Morris promises. After hanging up from his daughter, Morris turns to his wife and says, “Well, it worked this time, but we are going to have to come up with a new idea to get them here for Passover!”
11) “I love you so much!” Michael Hargrove tells about a scene at an airport that literally changed his life. He was picking up a friend. He noticed a man coming toward him carrying two light bags. The man stopped right next to Hargrove to greet his family. The man motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They hugged and Hargrove heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” “Me, too, Dad!” said the son. The oldest son (maybe nine or ten) was next. “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” Then he turned to their little girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half). He kissed her and held her close. He handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife a long, passionate kiss. “I love you so much!” He said to his wife softly. Hargrove interrupted this idyllic scene to ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?” “Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those,” the man replied, as he gazed into his wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” The man turned around and said, “Two whole days!” Hargrove was stunned. “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!” The man stopped smiling and said, “Don’t hope, friend . . . decide!” (Michael D. Hargrove, Chapnotes, ChapnotesMail@aol.com?Subject=Subscribe.) And that’s it, isn’t it? For most of us it comes down to a decision. “Till death do us part.” It doesn’t happen in every relationship, but that is still the ideal that Jesus gives us. “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Amen.
12) “The wedding was nice. How about inviting me to the marriage? God.” A satisfying marriage requires the presence of God. In the fall of 1998, an anonymous donor in Florida had an idea. He decided to hire an ad agency, the Smith Agency, to design a campaign to get the people of his community talking about God. The Smith Agency designed eighteen billboards with what were supposedly sayings from God. Signs like, “Come on over and bring the kids . . . – God,” and “Let’s meet at my house Sunday before the game . . . – God,” and “We need to talk . . . – God,” and “What part of ‘Thou Shalt Not’ didn’t you understand? – God” and “Keep using my name in vain, I’ll make rush hour longer . . . – God.” The signs were an instant hit with much of the public. In fact, in the spring of 1999, the Outdoor Advertising Agency of America decided to use the spiritual billboards for its public service campaign that year. Soon, the sayings from God were appearing on ten thousand billboards around the country free of charge. One memorable billboard said this, “The wedding was nice. How about inviting me to the marriage? . . . – God.” [Tommy Nelson, The 12 Essentials of Godly Success (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2005), p.170.]
13) “I love you.” Dr. James Dobson and his wife, Shirley, tell about a husband named Jim who was tragically killed in an accident while driving home from work. It was his wife Carol’s fiftieth birthday. Rescue teams found two plane tickets to Hawaii in Jim’s pocket; he had planned to surprise Carol with them. Months later, Carol was asked how she was coping. She answered that on their wedding day, she and Jim had promised to say, “I love you” before noon each day of their marriage. Over the years it had become a fun–and often difficult–challenge. She recalled running down the driveway saying, “I love you,” even though she was angry at Jim. On other occasions she drove to his office to drop a note in his car before the noon deadline. The effort it took to keep that promise led to many positive memories of their years together. The morning Jim died, he left a birthday card in the kitchen, then slipped out to the car. Carol heard the engine starting and raced outside. She banged on the car window until he rolled it down, then yelled over the roar of the engine, “Here on my fiftieth birthday, Mr. James E. Garret, I, Carol Garret, want to go on record as saying I love you!” “That’s how I’ve survived,” Carol said later. “Knowing that the last words I said to Jim were ‘I love you!’” Wouldn’t it be tragic if you had to remember that the last word you spoke to your husband or wife was a word of criticism, a word that belittled him or her? Is your marriage marked by positive comments and words of encouragement? Are you able to overlook one another’s faults and forgive one another’s mistakes? This is getting more and more difficult, isn’t it?
14) They made plans to renew their wedding vows in the National Forest: There was an interesting article in a women’s magazine recently. After sixteen years of marriage, Suzanne and Jim Shemwell of Boise, Idaho, were ready to call it quits. They argued constantly. Divorce seemed like their only option. But then, on March 5, 2003, while on a snowmobile trip in the Boise National Forest, Suzanne and Jim became stranded in a blizzard. For the next five days, they had to rely on one another for their very survival. Trapped in the forest, fighting frostbite, hunger, and various injuries, Jim and Suzanne stopped arguing and began cooperating. Back home, their conversations were filled with insults and discouraging comments. But out in the woods, they focused on encouraging and comforting one another. By the time they were rescued on March 10, 2003, the Shemwells were wondering why they had ever wanted to separate in the first place. They made plans to renew their wedding vows on March 10, 2004, in the Boise National Forest. It would probably help many couples to get lost in a forest for a while so that they could really get to know each other. How well do you know your spouse? Are you sensitive to one another’s needs? That’s question one on our test. Here’s question two: Is your marriage marked by positive comments and words of encouragement? Now here things get a little stickier. How easy it is for marriage partners to aim barbs toward one another!
15) “I don’t know, fills gaps I guess.” Perhaps you saw the original Rocky film before Sylvester Stallone. Do you remember the love relationship Rocky had with Adrian in Rocky? She was the little wallflower who worked in the pet shop, the sister of Pauly, an insensitive goon who worked at the meat house and wanted to become a collector of debts for a loan shark. Pauly couldn’t understand why Rocky was attracted to Adrian. “I don’t see it,” he said. “What’s the attraction?” Do you remember Rocky’s answer? Rocky said, “I don’t know — fills gaps I guess.” “What’s gaps?” asks Pauly. “She’s got gaps,” says Rocky, “I got gaps. Together we fill gaps.” In his simple but profound way, Rocky hit upon a great truth. He was saying that he and Adrian each had empty places in their lives. But when the two of them got together, they filled those blank spots in one another. [Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Moments Together for Couples (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1995).] And that is exactly what God intended. God takes marriage seriously. There are no perfect marriages but there can be great marriages. Those great marriages occur when two people commit themselves to God and to one another
16) Anna Ruby Falls: In the mountains of Georgia there is a waterfall called Anna Ruby Falls. It is a perfect example of what becoming one in marriage is like. Two separate mountain streams lap and gurgle down a mountain and plummet separately, one 150 feet, the other 300 feet, in a dazzling display of watery lace and rainbow colors. At the base of the mountain both falls enter a common pool. Here the two creeks are joined and flow on as a river together. Marriage is like this, too. We become one and flow on. His is hers and hers is his. Neither mate loses his identity. They blend. Talents, strength, faults, Faiths, needs — they are joined in marriage and the two become one.
17) United Methodist Social Principles Centuries ago, Tertullian wrote: “How beautiful, then, is the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, and one in the religion they practice.” The United Methodist Social Principles are an example of how Christ’s words are heard and how we, in our brokenness, live. “When a married couple is estranged beyond reconciliation, even after thoughtful consideration and counsel, divorce is a regrettable alternative in the midst of brokenness.”
18) Polygamy, bigamy monogamy? There was once a story about teacher in English who asked her sophomore class what’s the word denoting a marriage with many wives. A student answered, “Ma’am, polygamy.” “Correct,” she said. “How about a marriage with two spouses,” another student replied, “Ma’am, it is bigamy.” “Correct,” the teacher said, “And how about a marriage with only one wife?” A student raised his hand and blurted out, “Ma’am, monotony!” Actually what the student meant was “monogamy,” of course. However, unwittingly his answer touched on a problem in marriage, that is, monotony, which can lead to divorce which Jesus condemns in today’s Gospel. (Fr. Benitez).
19) “I remember who she is and I remember who I am.” A few years ago, there was a man whose wife became seriously ill with Alzheimer’s disease. She completely lost all of her memory and her ability to remember who she was or who anyone else was. She was in a nursing home and her husband came by to sit beside her bed and be beside her every day. One of his sons told him that he didn’t need to keep doing that because she didn’t remember who she was and she didn’t remember who he was. The man said: “I know she doesn’t remember anything, but I do. I remember who she is and I remember who I am. I am the husband who said to her 55 years ago, ‘I will love and cherish you for better or worse and in sickness and health.’ And I intend to do just that.” (http://www.parkavemethodist.org/sermon.php?s=16.)
20) Carrying the most valuable treasure: Among the folkloric literature of Eastern Europe, there is a tale which reflects the quality of love which marriage demands: After a long siege, the duke of Bavaria sat trapped in his castle of Weisberg. Outside the city walls, his enemy, emperor Konrad, was demanding his surrender. While the conditions of surrender were being determined, the women of Weisberg sent a message to Konrad, asking for safe passage out of the city. They also requested that they be allowed to take with them as many of their valuables as they could carry. Their request granted, soon the castle gates were opened and out came the women. To Konrad’s amazement, they carried no gold or jewels. Each woman was bending under the weight of her husband whom she hoped to save from the vengeance of their conqueror. Their loving stratagem proved successful and their story continues to bear witness to selfless love which constitutes a true marriage. (Sanchez Archives).
21) Authentic married love: In their book, Spiritual Partners, Cornelia Jessey and Irving Sussmann have chronicled the marriage of some of the world’s most noted couples. Among the relationships cited are those of Catherine and William Blake, Olivia and Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), Paula and Martin Buber, Maisie Ward and Frank Sheed (Sheed and Ward Publ. Co.), and Raissa and Jacques Maritain. Each marriage was a union of two very different people with very different backgrounds and experiences. Many of the spouses were from vastly different cultures, countries and religious affiliations. Yet each of these remarkable marriages was enduring, monogamous and offered to the world an example of authentic married love as well as a deep spiritual outpouring of creativity and service which influenced religious thought and western culture. (Sanchez Archives).
22) Androgyne legend on marriage: Marriage has been a mystery throughout human history. From the time immemorial philosophers have reflected on this mystery, poets have sung about it, and religious men have glorified it. They realized that marriage is a union of man and woman in physical, mental, religious and social realms. In their attempt to give a convincing explanation for this mystery the wise men of the ancient past gave rise to many legends. According to a Greek legend, “The original human nature was not like the present, but different. The sexes were not two, as they are now, but originally the man and woman were together. The primeval man was called Androgyne. He was round, his back and sides forming a circle; one head with two faces looking in opposite ways, set on a round neck and precisely alike; also four ears, two privy members, and the remainder to correspond. He could walk upright as men do now, backwards or forwards as he pleased, and he could also roll over and over at a great pace. Terrible was their might and strength, and the thoughts of their hearts were great, and they dared to scale the heavens, and they made an attack on the gods. The gods took council and Zeus discovered a way to humble their pride. So they decided to cut them in to two. After the division, each of the two parts of man (the Androgyne), desired union with its other half. And that desire for the reunion takes place in marriage. So, the desire of one another is implanted within us, reuniting our original nature, making one of two. (Fr. Bobby Jose).
23) The Marriage Commitment: Harold Kushner, an American rabbi tells how a young couple came to see him one evening. Their wedding was coming up and he was to officiate at it. At one point the young man said to him, “Rabbi, would you object if we made one small change in the wedding ceremony? Instead of pronouncing us husband and wife ‘till death do us part,’ could you pronounce us husband and wife ’for as long as love lasts?’ We’ve talked about this and we both feel that, should the day come when we no longer love each other, it wouldn’t be morally right for us to be stuck with each other.” But the rabbi replied, “I do object, and I won’t make the change. You and I know that there is such a thing as divorce, and we know that a lot of marriages these days don’t last until one of the partners dies. But let me tell you something. If you go into marriage with an attitude of, ‘If it doesn’t work out, we can always split, ’then I can almost guarantee you that things won’t work out for you. I appreciate your honesty. But you must understand that a marriage commitment is not just a mutual willingness to live together, but a commitment to accept the frustrations and disappointments that are an inevitable part of two imperfect human beings relating to each other. It’s hard enough to make a go of marriage even when you give it everything you’ve got. But if only a part of you is involved in the relationship, then you have virtually no chance.” (Flor McCarthy in New Sundays and Holy Day Liturgies; quoted by Fr. Botelho).
24) Strange Arithmetic: Dr. Paul Popenoe, the famous marriage counselor, was talking to a young husband who had been openly critical of his wife. Dr. Popenoe was explaining how two become one in marriage. In a smart reply the husband said, “Yes, but which one?” The counselor said, “A little of each.” Then he went on to explain that in marriage you have to develop “we-psychology”…and to think of yourself in terms of a pair rather than as an individual. What happens when two become one in a real marriage? Some think that it reduces your individuality. Too often one party or the other seems to be saying: “All right – we two shall become one…and I AM the one!” Obviously, such a marriage is headed for trouble. Ideally, when “two become one” it means that each one is doubled, but not duplicated. You still retain your individual identity, but you add to yourself the identity of the other, and the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts. “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Mark 10:7). A wise person once said: “A marriage consists of one master, one mistress, and two slaves; making, in total, one.” That may be strange arithmetic, but it is good theology. (Donald B. Strobe, Collected Words, www.Sermons.com).
25) From now on, I’m the One! A feature in weddings in more recent times is the lighting of candles. The couple light two before the ceremony, signifying their individual lives, then when they become husband and wife they blow them out and light a single candle to symbolize the two becoming one and the unity of the partnership henceforth. On one occasion when not only the candles but also the readings proclaimed their unity, the couple were walking down the aisle after signing the register, and as they beamed at the admiring guests the bride gave her newly acquired husband a nudge and whispered, “Did you take that all in?” “All what?” he said. “All that about the two being one.” “Yes, I guess so,” he said, and then came the coup de grace. “Well in case you’re in any doubt, from now on, I’m the one!” (James A. Feeban in Story Power; quoted by Fr. Botelho).
JOKES OF THE WEEK
#1: “My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.”
# 2: A 98-year-old man and a 95-year-old woman went to a lawyer to get a divorce. “How long have you been married?” he asked. “75 rough and rocky years,” they said. “Then, why have you waited so long to file for divorce?” They replied, “We had to wait for the kids to die!”
# 3: “The secret of my success in my married life and in my business is the same”, said, Henry Ford on the 50th anniversary of his wedding, “I don’t change models every now and then; instead I stick on to one and try to improve it.”
# 4: A couple was being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. “In all that time — did you ever consider divorce?” they were asked. “Oh, no, not divorce,” the wife said. “Murder sometimes, but never divorce.” (Jack Benny, comedian)
# 5: Marriage markers: I never married because there was no need. I have 3 pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband: I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
#5: Marriage miscellany: “A marriage may be made in Heaven but the maintenance must be done on earth.” Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes I am; I married the wrong man.” Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked. A man tells his wife of 15 years that it feels like they’ve only been married for 5 minutes, the wife says that’s so sweet, and he says yeah 5 minutes under water.
# 7: Plato, the great Greek thinker of the fourth century BC, reports the legend that human beings were originally twice as big and twice as strong as they are now. However, because their size and strength made them arrogant, the gods cut them down to half their size; only when two-matching halves found one another and completed one another in marriage did they find true happiness.
8)”We’re getting a divorce!”: Morris calls his son in NY and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?” “It’s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you’re my son, and I thought you should know. I really don’t want to get into it any more than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.” “But where’s Mama? Can I talk to her?” “No, I don’t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven’t told her yet. Believe me it hasn’t been easy. I’ve agonized over it for several days, and I’ve finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.” “Dad, don’t do anything rash. I’m going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won’t do anything until I get there.”
“Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Christmas. I’ll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in MA and break the news to her. I just can’t bear to talk about it anymore.” A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the in two days. “Benny told me that you don’t want to talk about it on the telephone but promise me that you won’t do anything until we both get there.” Morris smiles and tells his wife, “Isn’t that the best way to get your kids together for Christmas!”
Isn't that the best way to get your kids together for Yom Kippur!
From Fr. Tony Kadavil:
13) "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't."
14) A 98 year-old man and a 95 year-old woman went to a lawyer to get a divorce. “How long have you been married?" he asked. "75 rough and rocky years," they said. "Then, why have you waited so long to file for divorce?" They replied, "We had to wait for the kids to die!"
15) “The secret of my success in my married life and in my business is the same”, said, Henry Ford on the 50th anniversary of his wedding, “I don’t change models every now and then; instead I stick on to one and try to improve it”.
16) A couple was being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. "In all that time -- did you ever consider divorce?" they were asked. "Oh, no, not divorce," the wife said. "Murder sometimes, but never divorce." (Jack Benny, comedian)
17) I never married because there was no need. I have 3 pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband: I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
18) Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am; I married the wrong man."
****
26- Additional anecdotes: FromFr. Tony Kadavil:
1) 12 Rules for a happy marriage: Recently I came across the following 12 rules for a happy marriage that had been given by the well-known Ann Landers in her weekly article. Although to my knowledge, Mrs. Landers has never obeyed the Gospel of Christ, I believe she set forth twelve practical suggestions that will promote a happier home environment. These twelve rules are actually Biblical; I have included Scripture references for each rule:- Never both be angry at once (Proverbs 19:11)
- Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire (Proverbs 21:23)
- Yield to the wishes of the other as an exercise in self-discipline, if you can’t think of a better reason (Col. 3:18-19; Ephesians 5:21)
- If you have a choice between making yourself or your spouse look good–choose your spouse (Philippians 2:3-4; Matthew 19:19)
- If you feel you must criticize, do so lovingly (Ephesians 4:15)
- Never bring up a mistake of the past (Philippians 3:13-14)
- Neglect the whole world rather than each other (Ephesians 5:25-31)
- Never let the day end without saying at least one complimentary thing to your life partner (Proverbs 31:26)
- Never meet without an affectionate greeting (Proverbs 5:18-19)
- When you make a mistake, talk it out and ask for forgiveness (James 5:16)
- Remember, it takes two to make an argument. The one who is wrong is the one who will be doing most of the talking (James 3:5-8)
- Never go to bed mad (Ecclesiastes 7:9; Colossians 3:8).
3) Divorce and cohabitation: The U.S. Census Bureau report for the decade of the 90’s was released May 15 2001. Here are its disturbing findings concerning the family. The average life span of a marriage has dropped alarmingly. Any marriage without an expiration date of 10 years is, well, a miracle. Households headed by unmarried partners grew by almost 72 percent from 1990 to 2000. Most of these arrangements were men and women living together out of wedlock. Other studies have shown that cohabitation increased by close to 1,000 percent from 1960 to 1998. Households headed by single mothers increased by more than 25 percent, and those led by single fathers grew, get this, by almost 62 percent. And this next finding is astounding: For the first time ever, nuclear families dropped below 25 percent of households. That means the nuclear family, a mom and a dad and children, represents less than a quarter of all homes. Another finding partially explains why this is happening: A third of all babies are born to unmarried women (33 percent) compared to only 4 percent in 1940. You will remember some years back the actress Jodie Foster was in the news because she chose to bear and raise a child alone. There are a growing number of women in their late 20’s and 30’s who are doing the same
4) In search of a perfect woman to marry: One afternoon, according to an old Sufi tale, a man named Nasiruddin was sitting in a cafe, drinking tea with a friend and talking about life and love. “How come you never got married, Nasruddin?” asked his friend at one point. “Well,” said Nasruddin, “to tell you the truth, I spent my youth looking for the perfect woman. In Cairo, I met a beautiful and intelligent woman, with eyes like dark olives, but she was unkind. Then in Baghdad, I met a woman who was a wonderful and generous soul, but we had no interests in common. One woman after another would seem just right, but there would always be something missing. Then one day, I met her. She was beautiful, intelligent, generous and kind. We had everything in common. In fact, she was perfect.” “Well,” said Nasruddin’s friend, “what happened? Why didn’t you marry her?” Nasruddin sipped his tea reflectively. “Well,” he replied. ”It’s a sad thing; seems she was looking for the perfect man.” In today’s Gospel Jesus reminds us that an imperfect man has no right to divorce his equally imperfect wife whom God has given him as His perfect gift.
5) “Chemistry and Math of marriage”: Neil Warren, who has studied what he calls the “love secrets” of 100 couples with model marriages, says that his most significant finding is also the most surprising. Here’s the most shocking thing you may read in this entire book. Chemistry between two people is responsive to mental and emotional processes over which we have tremendous control. That’s right, you can make chemistry happen. If you don’t feel the flutter in your heart for your spouse that you once did, if the magic is gone from your relationship, don’t panic. You can change that! [Neil Clark Warren, The Triumphant Marriage (Dallas: Word Books, 1995), 72.] The phrase “The chemistry just isn’t there anymore,” should be banished from our vocabulary. Each of us can maximize chemistry to make new chemical reactions happen. The chemistry wrong? Mix up some new chemicals. Stir up some different romance ingredients. Here are some simple rituals of renewal which can keep your marriage romantically potent: Plant a tree together. Give a gift in honor of your marriage. Renew marriage vows. Buy the biggest wedding cake and invite friends over. Exchange gifts of jewelry. But as important as it is to become a good chemist, it is equally important to become a bad mathematician. In marriage, each partner must be willing to put in more than he or she takes out. Each person has to do a little more than what he thinks his share is'” [Prescription for a Quality Relationship (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1988).] A lasting marriage is one in which each partner “looks out for number two,” not where each one is “looking out for number one.”
6) Flex the muscles of trust and bend the knees of prayer. Trust may not seem glamorous or sexy, but many married people have found out too late that without trust, there is nothing. Mistrust is a cancer that rots away relationships. Faithfulness in a relationship is measured in more ways than monogamy; trust is the key component of faithfulness, while mistrust always plays a part in unfaithfulness. Bend the knees of prayer. The connection between complete, genuine trust in one another and faithfulness is perhaps what underlies one final finding about lasting marriages that shouldn’t be a surprise, but is. Andrew Greeley says, “It’s one of those statistics that catches your eye and makes you say, ‘No, that can’t be!’ But according to a groundbreaking Gallup survey, happiness in a marriage is better predicted by how often a couple prays together than by how often they make love.” [For more on this see Faithful Attraction (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1991), 190.] There’s more. Couples who pray together (compared to couples who don’t), report having greater respect for their mate (83 percent vs. 62 percent), agree on how to raise children (73 percent vs. 59 percent), are more playful (56 percent vs. 45 percent), and believe their mate is a skilled lover (62 percent vs. 49 percent). Individual prayer correlates with marital happiness, too, but joint prayer correlates at a level twice as high. According to a 1990 university study, virtually ignored by social scientists, decades of research have demonstrated that people highly involved in their Faith have the happiest marriages. [See D. Thomas and M. Cornwall, “Religion and Family in the 1980s: Discovery and Development,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, (1990), 983-992.]
7) “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” A newly-ordained priest was about to perform his first wedding, and he was very nervous. So he asked his pastor for help. The old monsignor told him everything he needed to know and then ended with some advice. “Father,” he said, “if you get lost and can’t think of what to say, quote Scripture. It’s always safe, and you’ll never go wrong.”
With that the young priest went off to the Church and did a fine job of conducting the wedding … until the very end, that is, when he was to pray the solemn blessing over the bride and groom. At that crucial moment, with hand outstretched and every eye upon him, he froze. He couldn’t find his place in the prayer book. His mind was a blank. He had no idea of what to say. Then he remembered the monsignor’s advice: if you get lost, quote scripture. So he ended the wedding by quoting most solemnly the only verse he could remember, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Fr. Dennis Clarke)
8) “I want to be married, but I didn’t know how to draw it.” A fifth grade teacher asked the children in her art class to draw pictures of what they want to be when they grow up. Sally drew an astronaut, Sue a doctor, Bruce a missionary. But Karen turned in a blank sheet of paper. “Isn’t there something you want to be?” the teacher inquired. The child replied, “I want to be married, but I didn’t know how to draw it.” Sad, but isn’t that true of our society today? Over 95 percent of us will marry at some point in our life. Yet nearly forty percent of us will divorce. In 1890 there were nearly 10,000 divorces nationwide. Last year there were over 1,200,000! In Charlotte, North Carolina, last year there were more divorces than there were marriages. Ditto for Fayetteville, North Carolina, and Washington, D.C. It is as if we’ve lost the blueprint for building a lasting and satisfying home. Where can we go to find the blueprint? Can your U.S. Senator supply it? Is it in the pages of Better Homes and Gardens magazine? Is it animated on the silver screen from Hollywood? Do you inquire of Ann Landers? That is why we have the Gospel on marriage and divorce today. Jesus’ words repeat the oldest Biblical teaching on matrimony: `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ (Genesis 2:24).
9) “We’ve had a fight. Papa, I want to come home.” A young couple had a quarrel and the bride of three months called her parents long distance saying, “Mama, I hate him. We’ve had a fight. Papa, I want to come home.” The father very discreetly said, “I’m sorry, daughter, you have no home here. For better or worse you’ve left for a new home. Work it out the best you can!” and he hung up the phone. Now I know that was a difficult thing for a parent to do, but it was the right thing. The best advice to a parent is to hold your children very close, love them, and train them up in God’s Word. Then let them go! Let them leave! Don’t interfere. Don’t give them advice unless you are asked. And don’t live near them if you can help it. Across town is best!
[Original form of Joke of the week #8] “I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” There is a story about a Jewish couple from New York that moved to Florida. Because of that move their children never visited them. Morris calls his son in NY and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?” “It’s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you’re my son, and I thought you should know. I really don’t want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.” “But where’s Mama? Can I talk to her?” “No, I don’t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven’t told her yet. Believe me it hasn’t been easy. I’ve agonized over it for several days, and I’ve finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.” “Dad, don’t do anything rash. I’m going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won’t do anything until I get there.” “Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Rosh Hashanah. I’ll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in MA and break the news to her. I just can’t bear to talk about it anymore.” A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida in two days. “Benny told me that you don’t want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won’t do anything until we both get there.” Morris promises. After hanging up from his daughter, Morris turns to his wife and says, “Well, it worked this time, but we are going to have to come up with a new idea to get them here for Passover!”
11) “I love you so much!” Michael Hargrove tells about a scene at an airport that literally changed his life. He was picking up a friend. He noticed a man coming toward him carrying two light bags. The man stopped right next to Hargrove to greet his family. The man motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They hugged and Hargrove heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” “Me, too, Dad!” said the son. The oldest son (maybe nine or ten) was next. “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” Then he turned to their little girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half). He kissed her and held her close. He handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife a long, passionate kiss. “I love you so much!” He said to his wife softly. Hargrove interrupted this idyllic scene to ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?” “Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those,” the man replied, as he gazed into his wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” The man turned around and said, “Two whole days!” Hargrove was stunned. “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!” The man stopped smiling and said, “Don’t hope, friend . . . decide!” (Michael D. Hargrove, Chapnotes, ChapnotesMail@aol.com?Subject=Subscribe.) And that’s it, isn’t it? For most of us it comes down to a decision. “Till death do us part.” It doesn’t happen in every relationship, but that is still the ideal that Jesus gives us. “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Amen.
12) “The wedding was nice. How about inviting me to the marriage? God.” A satisfying marriage requires the presence of God. In the fall of 1998, an anonymous donor in Florida had an idea. He decided to hire an ad agency, the Smith Agency, to design a campaign to get the people of his community talking about God. The Smith Agency designed eighteen billboards with what were supposedly sayings from God. Signs like, “Come on over and bring the kids . . . – God,” and “Let’s meet at my house Sunday before the game . . . – God,” and “We need to talk . . . – God,” and “What part of ‘Thou Shalt Not’ didn’t you understand? – God” and “Keep using my name in vain, I’ll make rush hour longer . . . – God.” The signs were an instant hit with much of the public. In fact, in the spring of 1999, the Outdoor Advertising Agency of America decided to use the spiritual billboards for its public service campaign that year. Soon, the sayings from God were appearing on ten thousand billboards around the country free of charge. One memorable billboard said this, “The wedding was nice. How about inviting me to the marriage? . . . – God.” [Tommy Nelson, The 12 Essentials of Godly Success (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2005), p.170.]
13) “I love you.” Dr. James Dobson and his wife, Shirley, tell about a husband named Jim who was tragically killed in an accident while driving home from work. It was his wife Carol’s fiftieth birthday. Rescue teams found two plane tickets to Hawaii in Jim’s pocket; he had planned to surprise Carol with them. Months later, Carol was asked how she was coping. She answered that on their wedding day, she and Jim had promised to say, “I love you” before noon each day of their marriage. Over the years it had become a fun–and often difficult–challenge. She recalled running down the driveway saying, “I love you,” even though she was angry at Jim. On other occasions she drove to his office to drop a note in his car before the noon deadline. The effort it took to keep that promise led to many positive memories of their years together. The morning Jim died, he left a birthday card in the kitchen, then slipped out to the car. Carol heard the engine starting and raced outside. She banged on the car window until he rolled it down, then yelled over the roar of the engine, “Here on my fiftieth birthday, Mr. James E. Garret, I, Carol Garret, want to go on record as saying I love you!” “That’s how I’ve survived,” Carol said later. “Knowing that the last words I said to Jim were ‘I love you!’” Wouldn’t it be tragic if you had to remember that the last word you spoke to your husband or wife was a word of criticism, a word that belittled him or her? Is your marriage marked by positive comments and words of encouragement? Are you able to overlook one another’s faults and forgive one another’s mistakes? This is getting more and more difficult, isn’t it?
14) They made plans to renew their wedding vows in the National Forest: There was an interesting article in a women’s magazine recently. After sixteen years of marriage, Suzanne and Jim Shemwell of Boise, Idaho, were ready to call it quits. They argued constantly. Divorce seemed like their only option. But then, on March 5, 2003, while on a snowmobile trip in the Boise National Forest, Suzanne and Jim became stranded in a blizzard. For the next five days, they had to rely on one another for their very survival. Trapped in the forest, fighting frostbite, hunger, and various injuries, Jim and Suzanne stopped arguing and began cooperating. Back home, their conversations were filled with insults and discouraging comments. But out in the woods, they focused on encouraging and comforting one another. By the time they were rescued on March 10, 2003, the Shemwells were wondering why they had ever wanted to separate in the first place. They made plans to renew their wedding vows on March 10, 2004, in the Boise National Forest. It would probably help many couples to get lost in a forest for a while so that they could really get to know each other. How well do you know your spouse? Are you sensitive to one another’s needs? That’s question one on our test. Here’s question two: Is your marriage marked by positive comments and words of encouragement? Now here things get a little stickier. How easy it is for marriage partners to aim barbs toward one another!
15) “I don’t know, fills gaps I guess.” Perhaps you saw the original Rocky film before Sylvester Stallone. Do you remember the love relationship Rocky had with Adrian in Rocky? She was the little wallflower who worked in the pet shop, the sister of Pauly, an insensitive goon who worked at the meat house and wanted to become a collector of debts for a loan shark. Pauly couldn’t understand why Rocky was attracted to Adrian. “I don’t see it,” he said. “What’s the attraction?” Do you remember Rocky’s answer? Rocky said, “I don’t know — fills gaps I guess.” “What’s gaps?” asks Pauly. “She’s got gaps,” says Rocky, “I got gaps. Together we fill gaps.” In his simple but profound way, Rocky hit upon a great truth. He was saying that he and Adrian each had empty places in their lives. But when the two of them got together, they filled those blank spots in one another. [Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Moments Together for Couples (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1995).] And that is exactly what God intended. God takes marriage seriously. There are no perfect marriages but there can be great marriages. Those great marriages occur when two people commit themselves to God and to one another
16) Anna Ruby Falls: In the mountains of Georgia there is a waterfall called Anna Ruby Falls. It is a perfect example of what becoming one in marriage is like. Two separate mountain streams lap and gurgle down a mountain and plummet separately, one 150 feet, the other 300 feet, in a dazzling display of watery lace and rainbow colors. At the base of the mountain both falls enter a common pool. Here the two creeks are joined and flow on as a river together. Marriage is like this, too. We become one and flow on. His is hers and hers is his. Neither mate loses his identity. They blend. Talents, strength, faults, Faiths, needs — they are joined in marriage and the two become one.
17) United Methodist Social Principles Centuries ago, Tertullian wrote: “How beautiful, then, is the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, and one in the religion they practice.” The United Methodist Social Principles are an example of how Christ’s words are heard and how we, in our brokenness, live. “When a married couple is estranged beyond reconciliation, even after thoughtful consideration and counsel, divorce is a regrettable alternative in the midst of brokenness.”
18) Polygamy, bigamy monogamy? There was once a story about teacher in English who asked her sophomore class what’s the word denoting a marriage with many wives. A student answered, “Ma’am, polygamy.” “Correct,” she said. “How about a marriage with two spouses,” another student replied, “Ma’am, it is bigamy.” “Correct,” the teacher said, “And how about a marriage with only one wife?” A student raised his hand and blurted out, “Ma’am, monotony!” Actually what the student meant was “monogamy,” of course. However, unwittingly his answer touched on a problem in marriage, that is, monotony, which can lead to divorce which Jesus condemns in today’s Gospel. (Fr. Benitez).
19) “I remember who she is and I remember who I am.” A few years ago, there was a man whose wife became seriously ill with Alzheimer’s disease. She completely lost all of her memory and her ability to remember who she was or who anyone else was. She was in a nursing home and her husband came by to sit beside her bed and be beside her every day. One of his sons told him that he didn’t need to keep doing that because she didn’t remember who she was and she didn’t remember who he was. The man said: “I know she doesn’t remember anything, but I do. I remember who she is and I remember who I am. I am the husband who said to her 55 years ago, ‘I will love and cherish you for better or worse and in sickness and health.’ And I intend to do just that.” (http://www.parkavemethodist.org/sermon.php?s=16.)
20) Carrying the most valuable treasure: Among the folkloric literature of Eastern Europe, there is a tale which reflects the quality of love which marriage demands: After a long siege, the duke of Bavaria sat trapped in his castle of Weisberg. Outside the city walls, his enemy, emperor Konrad, was demanding his surrender. While the conditions of surrender were being determined, the women of Weisberg sent a message to Konrad, asking for safe passage out of the city. They also requested that they be allowed to take with them as many of their valuables as they could carry. Their request granted, soon the castle gates were opened and out came the women. To Konrad’s amazement, they carried no gold or jewels. Each woman was bending under the weight of her husband whom she hoped to save from the vengeance of their conqueror. Their loving stratagem proved successful and their story continues to bear witness to selfless love which constitutes a true marriage. (Sanchez Archives).
21) Authentic married love: In their book, Spiritual Partners, Cornelia Jessey and Irving Sussmann have chronicled the marriage of some of the world’s most noted couples. Among the relationships cited are those of Catherine and William Blake, Olivia and Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), Paula and Martin Buber, Maisie Ward and Frank Sheed (Sheed and Ward Publ. Co.), and Raissa and Jacques Maritain. Each marriage was a union of two very different people with very different backgrounds and experiences. Many of the spouses were from vastly different cultures, countries and religious affiliations. Yet each of these remarkable marriages was enduring, monogamous and offered to the world an example of authentic married love as well as a deep spiritual outpouring of creativity and service which influenced religious thought and western culture. (Sanchez Archives).
22) Androgyne legend on marriage: Marriage has been a mystery throughout human history. From the time immemorial philosophers have reflected on this mystery, poets have sung about it, and religious men have glorified it. They realized that marriage is a union of man and woman in physical, mental, religious and social realms. In their attempt to give a convincing explanation for this mystery the wise men of the ancient past gave rise to many legends. According to a Greek legend, “The original human nature was not like the present, but different. The sexes were not two, as they are now, but originally the man and woman were together. The primeval man was called Androgyne. He was round, his back and sides forming a circle; one head with two faces looking in opposite ways, set on a round neck and precisely alike; also four ears, two privy members, and the remainder to correspond. He could walk upright as men do now, backwards or forwards as he pleased, and he could also roll over and over at a great pace. Terrible was their might and strength, and the thoughts of their hearts were great, and they dared to scale the heavens, and they made an attack on the gods. The gods took council and Zeus discovered a way to humble their pride. So they decided to cut them in to two. After the division, each of the two parts of man (the Androgyne), desired union with its other half. And that desire for the reunion takes place in marriage. So, the desire of one another is implanted within us, reuniting our original nature, making one of two. (Fr. Bobby Jose).
23) The Marriage Commitment: Harold Kushner, an American rabbi tells how a young couple came to see him one evening. Their wedding was coming up and he was to officiate at it. At one point the young man said to him, “Rabbi, would you object if we made one small change in the wedding ceremony? Instead of pronouncing us husband and wife ‘till death do us part,’ could you pronounce us husband and wife ’for as long as love lasts?’ We’ve talked about this and we both feel that, should the day come when we no longer love each other, it wouldn’t be morally right for us to be stuck with each other.” But the rabbi replied, “I do object, and I won’t make the change. You and I know that there is such a thing as divorce, and we know that a lot of marriages these days don’t last until one of the partners dies. But let me tell you something. If you go into marriage with an attitude of, ‘If it doesn’t work out, we can always split, ’then I can almost guarantee you that things won’t work out for you. I appreciate your honesty. But you must understand that a marriage commitment is not just a mutual willingness to live together, but a commitment to accept the frustrations and disappointments that are an inevitable part of two imperfect human beings relating to each other. It’s hard enough to make a go of marriage even when you give it everything you’ve got. But if only a part of you is involved in the relationship, then you have virtually no chance.” (Flor McCarthy in New Sundays and Holy Day Liturgies; quoted by Fr. Botelho).
24) Strange Arithmetic: Dr. Paul Popenoe, the famous marriage counselor, was talking to a young husband who had been openly critical of his wife. Dr. Popenoe was explaining how two become one in marriage. In a smart reply the husband said, “Yes, but which one?” The counselor said, “A little of each.” Then he went on to explain that in marriage you have to develop “we-psychology”…and to think of yourself in terms of a pair rather than as an individual. What happens when two become one in a real marriage? Some think that it reduces your individuality. Too often one party or the other seems to be saying: “All right – we two shall become one…and I AM the one!” Obviously, such a marriage is headed for trouble. Ideally, when “two become one” it means that each one is doubled, but not duplicated. You still retain your individual identity, but you add to yourself the identity of the other, and the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts. “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Mark 10:7). A wise person once said: “A marriage consists of one master, one mistress, and two slaves; making, in total, one.” That may be strange arithmetic, but it is good theology. (Donald B. Strobe, Collected Words, www.Sermons.com).
25) From now on, I’m the One! A feature in weddings in more recent times is the lighting of candles. The couple light two before the ceremony, signifying their individual lives, then when they become husband and wife they blow them out and light a single candle to symbolize the two becoming one and the unity of the partnership henceforth. On one occasion when not only the candles but also the readings proclaimed their unity, the couple were walking down the aisle after signing the register, and as they beamed at the admiring guests the bride gave her newly acquired husband a nudge and whispered, “Did you take that all in?” “All what?” he said. “All that about the two being one.” “Yes, I guess so,” he said, and then came the coup de grace. “Well in case you’re in any doubt, from now on, I’m the one!” (James A. Feeban in Story Power; quoted by Fr. Botelho).
26) Old Love: The question is asked, “Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and a girl clasping clean hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be any thing more beautiful than young love?” And the answer is given. “Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.” (Anonymous; quoted by Fr. Botelho). L/18
JOKES OF THE WEEK
#1: “My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.”
# 2: A 98-year-old man and a 95-year-old woman went to a lawyer to get a divorce. “How long have you been married?” he asked. “75 rough and rocky years,” they said. “Then, why have you waited so long to file for divorce?” They replied, “We had to wait for the kids to die!”
# 3: “The secret of my success in my married life and in my business is the same”, said, Henry Ford on the 50th anniversary of his wedding, “I don’t change models every now and then; instead I stick on to one and try to improve it.”
# 4: A couple was being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. “In all that time — did you ever consider divorce?” they were asked. “Oh, no, not divorce,” the wife said. “Murder sometimes, but never divorce.” (Jack Benny, comedian)
# 5: Marriage markers: I never married because there was no need. I have 3 pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband: I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
#5: Marriage miscellany: “A marriage may be made in Heaven but the maintenance must be done on earth.” Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes I am; I married the wrong man.” Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked. A man tells his wife of 15 years that it feels like they’ve only been married for 5 minutes, the wife says that’s so sweet, and he says yeah 5 minutes under water.
# 7: Plato, the great Greek thinker of the fourth century BC, reports the legend that human beings were originally twice as big and twice as strong as they are now. However, because their size and strength made them arrogant, the gods cut them down to half their size; only when two-matching halves found one another and completed one another in marriage did they find true happiness.
8)”We’re getting a divorce!”: Morris calls his son in NY and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?” “It’s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you’re my son, and I thought you should know. I really don’t want to get into it any more than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.” “But where’s Mama? Can I talk to her?” “No, I don’t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven’t told her yet. Believe me it hasn’t been easy. I’ve agonized over it for several days, and I’ve finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.” “Dad, don’t do anything rash. I’m going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won’t do anything until I get there.”
“Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Christmas. I’ll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in MA and break the news to her. I just can’t bear to talk about it anymore.” A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the in two days. “Benny told me that you don’t want to talk about it on the telephone but promise me that you won’t do anything until we both get there.” Morris smiles and tells his wife, “Isn’t that the best way to get your kids together for Christmas!”
